Ok so now I really want to make my marriage work and need your help

[mosschops30]

Some of you will know the last few months for me have been a bit up and down. Various things have caused me to think my marriage is over (no infidelity or domestic violence or anything). Started pretty much doing my own thing, girly weekends away, gym, friends etc.
dh suggested relate and we went for 5 weeks and then he got bored. Has since gone back to normal where we are just two people who live in the same house.

Somewhere along the way I have realised that I should be grateful for my family, my dh who works really hard and supports me (albeit only financially) and the fact that compared to some my life is actually pretty good.

How can I tell dh that I really want it to work but that there has to be some changes, but that i do love him and would like to just be a 'happy couple'

I have read something about treating your partner like a best friend and also to say sorry first for the argument - not to say sorry for your opinion but that you are sorry you argued at all - it makes you feel great if you can do it. like most others on here i say let the small stuff go. Would he be there for you in a real emergency could you rely on him - if yes then chill and think you have a good one. There are plenty of not so good ones out there stick with the model you have got before trading him in!!
On the cleaning front why not get together with a friend and either swap houses or do the cleaning together it is amazing what you can get done in 2 hours.
good luck it sounds as if it is worth working at.

yes he would always be there for me in an emergency and I can rely on him for that.

I have just made him a lovely dinner, and he has done his bit by agreeing that his mother is a spiteful, lazy cow ...which has cheered me up no-end

Erm not sure how much help this is to you, but in our marriage I am the messy one. Witness a recent discussion in our house where DH said ? look you?ve been particularly bad recently and it?s driving me nuts? his particular bug ebar is when he cleans the kitchen/ does dishes wipes side and I come in make some jam on toast, leave knife on side, jam open on side etc. Or I don?t put something in bin or (well lets face it generally I am a messy bugger). So I was trying to think what makes me a bit tidier and what stops us having lots of rows/it not being a problem. Basically he never nags- so he always says things like ?I find it really tiring clearing up after you? (when I?m having a particularly bad messy phase) and ?I would really like it if you would?.? I feel bad because I love and respect him and so I make a bit more of an effort (sorry to say I can never get it to last- I just don?t care about mess etc) but I don?t want him to be the dogsbody. We have agreed when/if we ever get any extra money we will get a cleaner? till that point its on my mental list of things to do to keep checking myself and make an effort (does this help at all- perhaps you could show you OH my post !)

thanks hettie you sound just like my dh

i just wish he would make some sort of effort like that, its just the little things nothing big