How many chances do you give flakey friends?

[Carlywurly]

Normally I steer well away from high maintenance friendships and drama. We're friends with a couple who've had some serious shit to deal with in life. We try and be supportive and we've had some great times with them. When they're on form they're brilliant fun.

Over the last year they've repeatedly made plans and blown us out at the last minute. This has included birthday weekends away, a celebration meal for dp where they called to bail as we were actually sitting waiting in the restaurant and numerous other meet ups. If we do get together it's usually fun but never simple - she won't want to eat where we've booked or there's some drama that means they need to leave early.

There has always seemed to be a valid reason for them cancelling - illness etc so I've always let it go. Last night it happened again - and we found out via another person that the reason she gave wasn't actually true - think claiming a sprained ankle then going for a run and this time I'm really upset.

they're talking about plans for going away next year and for Christmas and I just don't want to put myself in the position where I can be let down. It would be easy for them just to never see us - we don't naturally cross paths so I'm not sure why they're so keen to contact us to make plans they're then going to break. I don't want a big showdown about it - it's not my style. Has anyone had similar and what did you do?

Perhaps she/they are trying to distance themselves from you? But want you to break up with them (or be seen to drop them).

Just a thought.

If they wanted to drop us it would be very easy. We don't naturally cross paths at all these days nor live particularly close. I'm not clingy or needy and would never hound someone. They're talking about planning holidays at the moment

Any contact has to be organised. Usually via a lengthy series of group texts initiated by them. Which is particularly irritating as it invariably turns out to be a waste of time.

I'm not upset any more, just resigned to the fact they're probably best viewed as acquaintances than friends these days.

It is sad when this happens.

To be honest, I'd just say you were busy, "we must do coffee..." and leave it in the balance. Then, after a few months, (or however long you think is best), delete them off your phone and social media. That way, they never pop up again.

I would just slowly fade them out (I don't do angsty heart to heart confrontations [shudders]

Sounds to me like this couple like you to be reliable, trusty background to their chaotic, colourful 'Hey, look at us we're just soooo crazeeeee' foreground.

It's tiresome and draining. I am too lazy now to try and second guess people like this. I've realised I don't actually care why they're like it. I just don't want them making my life harder than it needs to be.