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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

chronic lateness

41 replies

Abundatia · 13/09/2015 16:54

How do you feel about people who are late when meeting up with you 90% or more of the time?

I've noticed that it's often people who are quite narcissistic in general who are chronically late. It's like they think their time's so much more important than yours that it's fine to just leave you waiting every time.

Obviously we're all late occasionally for reasons beyond our control. I'm talking about people who are late pretty much all of the time.

OP posts:

BitOfFun · 14/09/2015 00:11

That does sound exhausting, Sapphire. I'm glad you've got over it.

Original poster

Abundatia · 14/09/2015 06:44

"I find that you assuming that lateness links to narcissism a bit hmm but okay." ---- and you assume I could care less about this?

OP posts:

Original poster

Abundatia · 14/09/2015 06:46

Agree 100%

OP posts:

Casimir · 14/09/2015 07:48

Bored with late people. Seriously difficult for me regards time, time blind describes it perfectly. Mobile phones with timers and alarms are godsend. Really if I can be organised, anyone can, it can only be interpreted as rude and lazy. Apologies,'not my faults' etc, all these excuses. It does not matter what you intend, it is all about what you do

GnomeDePlume · 14/09/2015 08:18

I am generally pretty punctual.

What I have seen with chronically late people is:

having no real sense of elapsed time, not really understanding how long a task will take so always trying to cram in an extra task when there is no spare time.
not having a sense of time so not perceiving themselves as going to be late then being surprised that setting off on an hour's journey at the time they are due to arrive will mean that they are already late.
self-sabotaging, having lots of plans and alarms to be on time but then not cancelling the old alarms and ending up confused by all the different alarms going off
getting distracted by other tasks before the 'important' task.
and last but by no means least, those people who are narcissists who like to walk into a room after everyone else has arrived with a 'Ta Daa'

So I dont see all types of lateness as being narcissism. A lot of it is just having a different relationship with time.

It has taken me a lot of tongue biting over the years to get to this level of zen-like calm!!

chrome100 · 14/09/2015 16:03

There's someone like that in our group. We all tell her the wrong time for meet ups, come and collect her earlier than we need to, that kind of thing. It annoys her, but then we are quite open about how much her lateness annoys us!

HermioneWeasley · 14/09/2015 16:12

top you sound like my friend. My question is, if you can articulate why you're late and you recognise all the things you're not allowing time for, why don't you learn from this and change?

Jan45 · 14/09/2015 17:28

I've been late, my friends have been late, we usually give each other a ten/fifteen minute leeway, sometimes life just gets in the way, I doubt anyone does it on purpose, or I'd no be their friend, not waiting any more than 5 mins seems a bit extreme.

AlisonWunderland · 14/09/2015 17:37

I am someone who would rather be half an hour early rather than 5 minutes late, but I am ok with occasional lateness as long as the latecomer ackowledges that they are late.
People who stroll in 20 minutes late and don't care that you have been waiting are very rude

EngTech · 14/09/2015 18:07

Cooking - Comments noted but if it happens constantly and no explanation / text, how would you feel if I was late?

How long is "late" though - 6 minutes, 15 minutes....

In a previous life, being at an agreed place at an agreed time was everything - Days before mobile phones - How did we survive !!!!!!

To me, IMHO, it is rude to be constantly late.

I have no problem with the other person wasting their time but I get a bit peeved at them wasting mine

If I was taking a lady out on a date / meal etc, how would she feel if I was late?

What would her impressions of me be if I was always late i.e. missed the start of a show she wanted to see, table reservation has been let go etc

If I know people are going to be late, I build in a time factor to allow for that

We are all different and I accept that - My friends accept me for what I am, faults and all

I also run meetings on time and they finish on time as well :)

LooseSeal · 14/09/2015 18:12

I have a friend who's chronically late, but she's not a narc. She knows she only has herself to blame for her lateness and hates being so disorganised, but she can't seem to change. I think "time blind" is a very good description for it, she just doesn't seem to notice the passage of time, or be able to judge how long anything should take, and she gets easily distracted.

I thought the ADHD comment up thread was interesting, one of my friend's DC has a dx of ADHD, it's made me wonder if she isn't a little ADHD too.

Onepot · 14/09/2015 18:26

I was really good at time keeping until i had children, now i'm generally late, because no sooner have i put socks on one child the other has pulled them off and hidden them! Or they suddenly need the loo etc. when its just me ie getting to work, meeting up with friend i am still good at time time keeping, but small children def. make it harder to be on time, and when they were babies i simply gave up on timings, as i could guarentee as soon as i'd try to leave the house they'd fill nappies or vom. I dont think its got anything to do with being selfish, maybe slightly disorganised, and sleep deprivation!

sapphirestars · 14/09/2015 19:42

Thank you bitoffun. It was really exhausting learning to control mental health issues and it can be really hard but it's made me a better person because of it. I had mild body dysmorphia as well so that was why I found it so hard to leave the house.

No Abundatia I didn't expect you to care due to the sweeping statement you made in your OP but I didn't think it would hurt you to see that sometimes there is more sometimes than what it first appears as. If they are just an arsehole then fair enough but a little empathy goes a long way to someone who struggles.

SomethingOnce · 14/09/2015 20:34

I have two 'late friends'.

One I suspect has some issues that lie at the root of her lateness so, annoying as it is, I forgive her.

With the other, I think it's more that she simply doesn't regard your time as important. One time, she was about 40 minutes late for coffee, one of the reasons being that another mother wanted to chat at school drop off. Umm, tell her you can't stop then?!

And there was the time she was extra late because she had to drop off her DH's dry cleaning, despite already running late to meet me.

It's so rude.

JasperDamerel · 14/09/2015 20:48

It sounds to me more as though she doesn't regard her own time as important and finds it hard to say no when people ask her stuff. If she thinks of time with you as a pleasant treat, then just about anyone could guilt her into giving it up.

TwoDrifters · 15/09/2015 12:50

I don't have complete freeness of speech to comment on this as in my youth I was not a great timekeeper but I have really made an effort & improved in this regard, particularly as I have gotten older.

I agree that mobile phones are mostly to blame as people seem to think that texting "Running late but on my way!" absolves them of making the effort to be on time in the first place.

Equally as infuriating as the regular latecomers are people who arrive early to an arranged meeting, then get annoyed with you that they've been "waiting" 20 minutes when you have arrived punctually on time!

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