JusT don't know how to deal with this...

[Dollygirl2008]

and it's only two weeks in...

Other half left after 26 years and moved in with another woman and her three small daughters. Thought he would be lying low for a while - In fact he's pretty much cut contact with his family and friends. However his brother tried to keep communication open and emailed him last Monday to ask how he was and how his weekend was. He responded by telling him that he'd had a good weekend, went to a festival with this other woman and her children, and then out with her friends on Sunday.

I know they're not just sat there watching telly, but I just can't understand why he would have told his brother that and it just makes me feel sick. Don't know whether to say anything or not (but I don't want to get his brother into touble) or if I just have to deal with it but I just don't know where to begin. I did wonder about saying something like "a friend from work saw you - really, did you have to be flaunting it so soon" or do I just leave it?

We have a 7 year old by the way.

Thought I was doing ok but there's always another knock, or opinion xxx

TBH I don't think it's unreasonable for him to tell his brother what he's been doing but the brother should not have told you. Why did he? He must have known it would hurt you to know that.
Everything is still raw and it's understandable that hearing about his life with her would hurt you but I don't think you should say anything. He'll think you're just being an unreasonable ex.

I think he told me because he is so angry with him that he wants me to know that he is getting on with his new life so that I don't sit feeling sorry for myself, or feeling guilt that I caused this. We were a very close foursome and I winder whether he has told his brother to see if it DOES get back to me, ie whether he can trust him or not.

God it feels shit doesn't it

Your brother in law could still be angry with your ex whilst at the same time not passing on needlessly hurtful information.

Are you angry because you've been sat around grieving the end of the relationship and feel hurt that your ex isn't? That can really hurt, but people handle loss and grief differently. I don't know how long your relationship break up took, but is it likely that your ex had been getting used to the idea for a far longer time than you? He may be further down the process than you.

Your right red maple,eat - he emotionally left the relationship months ago but we stuck together over the summer for our daughters sake and a holiday we had booked. I guess I didn't really think he'd leave in the end - I knew he was having an emotional affair with this woman but didn't think he'd go straight to her.

It's just time I guess - wish I could fast forward 6 months x

I'm wondering why BIL needed to give you so much info? He could simply have said he's heard from his DB and he is fine.

I don't think STBXH is flaunting anything he just answered his DB truthfully.

STBXH has already checked out of your mutual relationship and moved on, you are still in the shock stage. Sorry you are going through this difficult time.

You need to ignore this, it doesnt mean hes happy! You need to go through the process to come out stronger. Concentrate on you and DD, it may take 6 months or a year, but it will get better.

Thanks - what level headed, sensible replies. I wish I had you in the night when I was just processing and thinking. I feel relief that he's gone really, but there's always the old adage that I don't want him, but I don't want anyone else to have him either! Dreadful think to say but human nature.
Thanks xx

It's just time I guess - wish I could fast forward 6 months I know... I know .

Would it help to picture yourself 6 months down the line? That would make it early March and the beginning of Spring. Think about how you want to feel at that point, and what you want your life to look like and then break it down in to steps, right down to thinking, "what step can I take today?".

I do think it's important to take time to process and actually live your feelings though. Don't view the next 6 months as a time to be rushed through until you reach some non-existent perfect time in March. It's steep, but it's a learning curve all the same and you can gain so much from it.

Thanks. After a good few days, I'm having a bad one. Can't ask for anymore at this time (other than for his new relationship to go t*ts up but that's just for my sick humour!!!). Xx

Ok so relieved hes gone, good start, now list things that irritated you, TV hogging, crap hed say, not playing with DD, think of how much control you have of your life however little, he now has 4 others to think of (plus DD) you now have two!