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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What to do when a friend has cheats on their DP

6 replies

leftylo54 · 13/09/2015 00:06

A close male friend of mine is having an affair, definitely emotional and probably physical. I don't really know his DP, only met her twice in about 4 years of knowing him but from bits and pieces he's told me, his marriage has been up and down for years, no DCs and they've come close to splitting up, only staying together for financial reasons at one point. Friend has been becoming closer and closer to OW for several months but continuously denies there is anything going on. However, from seeing them interact it's clear they are very, very 'close' and I'm sure he knows that I don't believe his denials.

My philosophy is you finish one relationship before you start another, or you have an open relationship which involves no keeping one person out of the loop. I don't know if the open relationship applies to friend's marriage but if not then my opinion of him has plummeted. But he is a genuinely nice person and if his marriage is a mess then I can see how this has happened and I want him to be happy. I'm guessing the MN mob will slate him for cheating and say I should keep out but I'm not really sure how to behave around him at the moment.

OP posts:
leftylo54 · 13/09/2015 00:16

Should add that friend seems besotted with OW, in a way he never has seemed with his DP and OW is single so if they could have a future.

OP posts:
goddessofsmallthings · 13/09/2015 00:24

I'm not really sure how to behave around him at the moment

As all you have are suspicions which may be unfounded, I suggest you act around him as you've always done as his marital and other affairs (no pun intended) are none of your business unless and until he talks to you about them.

I'm certainly not going to slate him on your say so, but others may have differing views.

winkywinkola · 13/09/2015 00:58

What can you do? There's nothing to be done, is there?

Except perhaps hope he develops the balls to be honest and end his current relationship so at least she can also try to find happiness.

But it's up to him.

Lelania · 13/09/2015 03:25

You can't be that close if you've only met his dp twice and don't know for sure what's going on with ow. I think you should mind your own business.

Oysterbabe · 13/09/2015 07:31

You should definitely mind your own business. You don't know anything is going on.

cremeeggboycotter · 13/09/2015 18:24

You can't really do anything OP. You don't know anything for certain and he hasn't confessed or asked advice.

If he does then you can be honest with him about how you feel.

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