Advice - how to handle a Wendy?

[sunshinegirl1972]

Need some advice from you lovely mumsnetters - those that have been through group exclusion at the school gates.

A few years back fell out with a group of women over reading something I shouldn't have. I caught queen bee bitching about me. Then she wended me after 10 years of friendship. I apologised for reading said message (she left on my own computer!) as I was going through a divorce at the time and I was messed up with a number of personal probs - but she / the group decided to remove me - fair enough I thought at the time. Like for like. I moved on and found new set of friends.

What annoys me is that the queen bee did a vast amount of dishonest things - much worse than me, such as have an affair, read peoples private information (intentionally) for which I have proof.

It gets to me as she still struts about and controls the group years later - like she is the high and mighty and has pleasure in excluding me. They did this I think to have a "common enemy" Group members ignore me but I have an urge to tell them about queen bee and her dishonesty as it annoys me - I see them everyday at school gate. I keep myself to myself and don't engage with them but part of me wants to tell other group members the truth. Seen one of them on their own at gym yesterday and had urge to tell her. Should I or keep it to myself? Will it make me feel any better about situation?

I don't like the term Wendy but it makes it easier to explain my situation.

No. The Wendy will just make out you're crazy and making stuff up. They will delight in being able to gather and bitch about you. They will love it as they live drama.

Ignore and spend time with your new friends.

say nothing, keep the moral high ground. She probably won't believe you and make you out to be some vindictive fool.
You know the truth and can hold your head high--bottom line that's all that matters

Let it go and be happy following your own path. Pity the others who still follow her, most people follow the path of least resistance through life so wouldn't want the hassle of any truth, human brains are expert at the fingers in the ears 'lalalalala I can't hear you' to make life easier. You are the lucky one free of a group that would act like that, go off out into the world and find all the new things to do, it's an adventure and freedom you wouldn't have stuck in their toxic environment.

The school gate won't last forever either. I keep reassuring myself!

Yes that did cross my mind that she would say I was making it up but she told me things she read after snooping around one of the group members homes - for which she had access to her house for a time while she was on hols.

Look...no. Just don't. To bring it all up again out of the blue after this length of time will make you seem fixated and (sorry to say it) rather pathetic. They may get annoyed with you or pity you, it may well be the case that they already know.
I'm sorry but it won't make you feel better. You are unlikely to get the result you would like.

Nope nope nope. Your energy would be better spent trying to move on from this and let it go.

Just think of it as they are getting what they deserve aligning themselves with a vile cowbag and treating you like this.

I think too much time has passed. I would have gave out this info at the time.

Saying that maybe you could just give it out now. You don't have much to lose really....

P.s I speak from some experience here. Far better for you to move on entirely. Remove any of them from fb you might still have, keep conversation breezy and unconcerned, and no longer give it head space.

All of my close friends have done dishonest/dodgy/desperate/selfish things in the pat, but they are still my friends.

Your revelations will make no odds to their dynamic. Once again the will close ranks against you. Whether it is fair or not, that is what will happen.

Don't put yourself through it.

So many typos. Edit facility - give us one.

Thanks for all your advice, it's just hard you know when you feel injustice has taken place and you just want to make things right. I thought by now she would have let her true colours shine, well I guess it took me 10 years to find out! :-)