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Relationships

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Original poster

Feeling utterly crap about my 'friends' and upcoming wedding

47 replies

feelingrubbish3 · 11/09/2015 20:42

I'm 25 and went down the career route. My group of friends from school didnt, and so have stuck together while i have moved about a lot studying and making decisons for my job. out of the 7 friends, 3 are married and the 4th is getting married in october. at the last 2 weddings, i was there with my ex and these friends made many comments about how i wasnt married yet and how i 'shouldnt focus so much on my career.' one girl in particular was quite nasty and continually made comments about how i had not been a good friend as i had missed a lot of social events in the last few years (i had, but only because of my work).

so then yesterday i ended things with my partner. it is for good. i feel very alone but know it is the right decision. i cant face going to the next wedding and text to say that i woud be unable to make and have been met with lots of abuse... 'its not about you its about leanne,' 'you cant let her down 3 weeks before the wedding,' and so on. i dont know why these girls are so keen to make me feel shit because they clearly dont even value me as a friend and think im a rubbish friend anyway... i have always been nothing but pleasant to them so i find it all quite upsetting, and now my partner wont be there i just dont think i can cope with sitting through it all again, but i know if i dont go then they will just have more to be nasty about. the girl who is getting married is actually nice and i dont want to let her down.

feeling utterly fed up.

OP posts:

Princerocks · 11/09/2015 21:34

You can get much nicer friends. Who threatens the end of a friendship? And the married ones? Are they 12?

cremeeggboycotter · 11/09/2015 21:47

Do they bring anything to your life OP? Maybe once they did, but now? They sound unpleasant and judgy. Maybe it's better to cut ties now and focus on people who don't try and shit on you?

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 11/09/2015 21:57

They sound jealous and a bit dim. Move on from them. If being 'married' is an achievement you boast about on FB then life can't be very kind to them.

I would go to the wedding and drink too much and get off with a hot guy but I understand why you are feeling a bit raw.

25 is far too young to be getting married. It should be the legal minimum IMO.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 11/09/2015 22:28

Bollocks to that. I wouldn't go. Speak to the bride though, just tell her you've just split up with your partner and you really can't face a romantic wedding. If she's any kind of friend she'll understand and if she gets stroppy, well, best rid.

Just because you grew up with these people doesn't mean you have to maintain a long dead relationship. You can grow out of people. You might be relieved.

tribpot · 11/09/2015 22:42

"the married ones" - wow, they've really aimed high in life, haven't they I wonder how long it will be before they are starting a new club for life after "the starter marriage".

You should focus on your career exactly as much as you want to, incidentally.

I would talk to the bride, forget this pack of bitches. Tell her you are very down and don't want to spoil her day. I would offer to go to the ceremony (you know, the bit that actually counts) and leave before the reception, thus depriving them of an opportunity to put you down.

People grow apart, particularly when their lives take different turns. Make the best choices for you.

redshoeblueshoe · 11/09/2015 22:44

In the good old days before FB etc, you left school, and made new friends.
By the time I was your age I was only in contact with one friend from school. That was normal.
and they sound bloody weird so you are well rid

darksideofthemooncup · 11/09/2015 22:55

When I got married my best friend didn't come because she was in a very similar situation to you. I totally understood because the last thing I would have wanted was for her to be there feeling uncomfortable and out of place.
I think you should have a chat with her and if she is any sort of friend she will understand. As far as the other 'friends' are concerned, fuck them. This is about them not you and I bet they are eaten up with jealousy because you are making a success of your life and don't feel the need to be validated via a relationship or marriage.
Friends are meant to support each other, not undermine - these women are not your friends

darksideofthemooncup · 11/09/2015 23:00

and you sound lovely OP, there are amazing and REAL friends out there that you are yet to meet I promise

rollonthesummer · 11/09/2015 23:03

What's the career that means you can't go to social events?! Do you live a long way away from them?

I wouldn't have sent a text saying I couldn't go to a wedding-that's pretty poor show. Having said that-they sound horrible!

GiddyOnZackHunt · 11/09/2015 23:07

Oh lordy they've already peaked. They'll be engaged in a race to be the first mumma to a bubba now.
You want something more. There's plenty of time for marriage and children and neither way is wrong. If they choose to crack on with marriage then that's fine but crowing about it somehow diminishes it as it would if you started a fb group of 1 called 'The one with a brain'
Go to the wedding or talk to the bride. They don't bring anything to your life except baggage.

Alconleigh · 12/09/2015 07:45

Are they all very small town or none too bright? I don't know anyone who married before 29 from my circle of friends. More widely from acquaintances, anyone who married under 25 was either Christian, so had to for the sex, or had very little else of interest in life, by way of degree, career, travel etc. Most of these ended up as 'starter marriages' anyway.......my point is, don't worry, it's them not you, you will find people more on your wavelength over time.

category12 · 12/09/2015 08:12

What a ghastly bunch. You keep on doing what you're doing and cut them out of your life. You've tons of time for marriage and babies if that's what you want for yourself at some point, but being 25 pursuing a career, being free - enjoy it, enjoy the hell out of it.

thisisnow · 12/09/2015 08:36

They sound awful to be honest! I am almost 30 and none of the people that I know my age are married or anywhere near it

EngTech · 12/09/2015 08:43

Put yourself first, you have taken a differant path to them and as a result have broadened your life experiences.
They made thier choices, you made yours
Put yourself first

MardyBra · 12/09/2015 08:50

Like a pp poster suggested, channel Muriel!

BastardGoDarkly · 12/09/2015 09:06

Go to the wedding op, the friend who's getting married is nice, and would be upset if you weren't there, that's what is important.

There must be someone you can take for company?

As for the other women, I honestly think they're jealous, all they've achieved is getting married

Hold your head high, and help your friend have a great day.

MardyBra · 12/09/2015 09:19

I agree with Bastard.

whatlifestylechoice · 12/09/2015 09:52

They'll all be divorced before they're 30 anyway.

BolshierAyraStark · 12/09/2015 10:22

They are not friends, they are simply people you grew up with-you should no longer engage with them.
I do think you should go to the wedding though, believe it or not 3 weeks is a long time.

DoreenLethal · 12/09/2015 10:29

the married ones

Ha ha - what a bunch of twats!

OP - I am not a big believer in marriage and am 47 and have never been married, and never want to be. I have however been in long term relationships and very happy [11 years together, 10 living together - all good]. I have seen most of my friends marry 2,3 or even 4 times and it is no guarantee of happiness.

contrary13 · 12/09/2015 12:17

I think that if the bride-to-be is a nice woman, OP, that you should go to the wedding - but, if you do, just because you're there, doesn't mean that you're obliged to spend any time with these... I hesitate to call them friends, because they're so blatantly not. They're "friends", perhaps, but not friends. I'm sure there will be other guests whom you can socialise with during the reception...?

As previous posters have said, they do seem to be very jealous of you. That's why they're so nasty towards you, I suspect - they know, deep down, that they've not achieved much in life other than marriage. Which is fair enough, if that's what they truly want out of life, but their jabs at you suggest that they're hankering after the career and the freedom which you, as a young, undoubtedly gorgeous, single woman have. You're not shackled, like they are. Subconsciously they're trying to make themselves feel better about their lives, by hurting/bringing you down with these nasty jabs about your life. They seem very immature, very insecure, and... well; I don't know them, but I feel very sorry for them!

25 is extremely young to be married, and dealing with all the responsibilities that brings. Out of my group of school friends, 4 were married by the time we were 25/26. 4 weddings. 4 sets of dreams of happily ever afters... Within five years, 3 out of the 4 were divorced. One is on her second marriage, one refuses to ever get married again, and the third is currently shagging his way around the female divorcees of North Wales...

Concentrate on your career, being young, and finding people who truly appreciate you for who you are - not the rings you wear on your finger! Because you do deserve better than these "friends" are willing to give you right now.

slicedfinger · 12/09/2015 12:25

Apart from the fact that I had to re-read this to check that you said 25, not 55, I'm shocked at your friends.

You need to accept yourself that you have gone down the right path for you. It is ok that that is a different path from theirs, and in itself isn't a reason not to remain friends. A reason to back away from them is that some of them are clearly nasty and small minded.

BUT

You say the one that is getting married is nice, and you like her. Focus on her, as a nice individual, and maintaining your relationship with her. Fuck the rest of them. Try to find a way to go to the wedding. Enjoy it, take a nice friend, male or female with you, and ignore the nasties.

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