people in your life who are 'unavailable'

[stareatthetvscreen]

or 'busy'......

we all have them right? i'm not one of them i will make time for any of my friends, whatever i am doing but then i find it easy to do so.

is it always just that 'they are not that into you?' i'm trying to get my head round it and i just can't :)

any thoughts most welcome

I read a similar thread a few weeks ago and the phrase "lop-sided friendships" came up..... that struck a cord with me.

I am not that important to my "bestie" - I need to accept that she might not consider me her "bestie" - so now I have decided to just sit back and let her dictate the terms......so as I still love her company and friendship - I will just wait for her to make contact (or not).

My other "bestie" NEVER wants to meet anywhere but within 2 miles of her home and at a cafe/restaurant that she has been going to for the last 20 years....so again "acceptance" .... she is great fun so I have given up trying to encourage her to do something else - its not that I want to meet her near me - it is just I would like to do something else....but she is highly strung/anxious so does do "outs of the comfort zone"....

I know people are busy - but if they dont have half an hour for a coffee on a wet windy wednesday - or any other graveyard slot - then it is true "they are not really into you...."

I've noticed the difference between my newer friendships and older friendships. Newer friends don't take the piss bcs I don't let them. There's a clear demarcation.

I have one older friend who genuinely seems to think she's doing me a favour! She can fuck off with that tbf. But bcs the friendship was established when I got all confused at her unavailability, she has carried on thinking that's the score. It isn't. Sometimes you have to let friendships go that got set on the wrong tracks at the outset if your unavailable friend is resistant to change.

Yes I'm available to friends who are available to me. Though I have friends who I know are totally unreliable and are good fun. I just don't trust them further than I could throw them. My choice to spend time with them.

I'm with autumn leaves.

I have a friend who I bump into regularly, and she's always soooo busy (doesn't have kids, unlike me) but she's always like 'we'll have to meet up soon' but of course 'soon' never arrives! At first I bought it and was super friendly back - then the penny dropped and I had to adopt 'yeah whatever' sort of approach. That's what I think now when I do see her. I know for a fact she has plenty of other friends she does make time for - which makes it even more hurtful. I guess I'm just not good enough.

Not good enough for what - her?

She's not good enough for you, more like.

I often disappear on my friends - I'll text but won't meet or phone. Because self-employed and work on a project basis - sometimes I can be juggling several deadlines and working weekends to meet them. I have three kids and a dp - it's all overwhelming and exhausting quite often and friends and socialising are the only aspect that seems to be optional.

The thing is I never used to be like this - I always prioritised my friends and was very into lengthy phone conversations etc.

Posted too soon! Just was going to say that my old friends love me just the same, and I have managed to make quite a few new friends through my kids. Only one person has got upset with me for my lack of availability but even she is still around. The rest just accept it or are busy too.

I've finally got a quiet week and have lunch with my oldest friend planned and have spoken three times to second-oldest on the phone plus met my best mum friend for a coffee. Would love to live like this all the time but work and kids get in the way.

You're genuinely busy, Vernonon.

some people aren't, do the 'we must meet up!' thing. No idea why they say it when they don't mean it.

Some people like the chase and are only interested in people they have to work hard to get.

I find it very hard to maintain friendships: work FT and commute, usual responsibilities for DC, most of my closest friends live five hours away, family likewise, DH's friends and family 1-2 hours away and new, local ones enjoy late nights and drinking, which aren't good for me (have depression/anxiety). I'm not flakey but don't initiate things or phone. people probably do think I don't care.

There are times in our lives - long times - we are too busy to maintain friendships in the way we'd like. But that's different to people who are cavalier with friendship.

I am like this to a certain degree but not as bad as some people I know.

I have a particular friend who admits to being a hermit and states that although she cares, she can't do full on friendship. She will visit/accept visitors maybe twice/three times a year and will send the odd e-mail but wont communicate by phone/text/Facebook at all, no matter how hard people try.

I've always preferred my own company to that of others apart from times where I've had a strong 'best friend' type friendship. When it comes to aquaintences, I find it exhausting when they keep (to my mind) pestering me; i.e. asking to meet up again when we only met last week. How much is there to catch up on in an average week? Fine if you've had a birthday/anniversary/wedding/death/christening/holiday but not for everyday, run of the mill weeks. It gets boring. I find it's the same with men. How much is there to talk about? Most people's lives aren't that interesting.

I think it's the basic difference between introverts and extroverts. Some people need to chat and meet in order to feel connected to people. Others don't.