What the hell is happening to my life

[YellowTangerine]

Okay background. Split up with ExDP about 2 weeks ago. Today found out he has a new DP who has been introduced to our DD last weekend. He says this new woman is the one and he loves her??? It's been a week???

How the hell am I suppose to deal with him moving on so fast PLUS her being around my DD.

I'm basically heartbroken.

There's not a lot you can do about his chosen relationships, but I think it would be reasonable to request that he doesn't introduce new partners to your daughter until the relationship is established. Your DD has enough going on in her head with the split, without having to worry about daddy's new girlfriend too.

I'm so sorry OP.

I don't say this to worsen the situation, but I would suspect he was already seeing this woman before you split. Especially if he instigated the split.

If you instigated the split, then it's Rebound City, population: him.

I've said to him I don't want her around the new woman but he said that its his choice not mine. I do know he wasn't seeing her before we split as they met online 2 weeks ago.

I'd email him something like this,

"I agree that either of us can introduce new boyfriends and girlfriends to DD without the other's permission. I'm not planning on getting with anyone any time soon, but I was asked out yesterday by someone really nice and it got me thinking. Should we agree some ground rules about DD and new boyfriends and girlfriends?"

I'd plant the seed that what's good for him is good for you. Thinking about a new man in your DD's life may help focus his mind a little on her needs.

He's just a joke. I'm pretty certain once this relationship goes sour he will be back trying to worm his way in. I need to work on being strong enough to tell him where to shove it!

So he met her two weeks ago and is in love and now with her and you have to stay strong not to take him back - does this not show you his intentions towards you, I think so.

As for him introducing the OW to your DD, again, another example of his uselessness.

He's probably been seeing her a bit longer than a week. I'm sorry.

Ah, sorry, just seen your update.

Well, I think your ex is very unfair on your DD to disrupt her life any more than it already has been, by introducing an extra person so quickly. It suggests to me that he is not very good at putting other people's needs ahead of his own anyway, if he can't even prioritise the wellbeing of his daughter.

You're better off without, truly.

Yeah I know I'm better off without its just so hard because I'm powerless when it comes to him. He has done this 3 times before but this is the first time since DD has been born. Deep down I know this is the way he is and he will never change just doesn't make the hurt any less.

I need to work on being strong enough to tell him where to shove it!

How about trying visualisation? Imagine yourself in the future recounting the tale about how you felt vulnerable inside, but when he tried to come back to you you were able to protect your boundaries. You might be telling a friend, or your adult daughter or doing an interview for your favourite magazine (I'm generally being interviewed for Woman's Hour )

3 times! Get yourself out there meeting nice men, not a loser like him.

How old is your dd and how often does she have contact with her df? Has he found himself a flat/house and does she stay overnight with him?

You split up with him 2 weeks ago and he met the love of his life ow online that day? You might buy it, honey, but I don't and I doubt there'll be many others who'll pay good cash for that particular story.

If this is the fourth time he's done the dirty on you, don't you think it's time to cut your losses and look to find a loving and caring man who isn't afflicted by wandering penis syndrome?

Maybe you should ask your ex what OLD site he used so that you can dip your toe in the dating pool with a view to getting as lucky as he's been.

What a twat he is! Why have you put up with it?

He's done it three times already? Oh FFS you will never keep hold of this one so stop trying.
A bit of online dating for you is not such a bad idea as long as you go into it for fun and nothing more. Embarking on a desperate search for a new life partner is a very bad idea at present, but having a few nights out with a few new people may well do you good. They will either be nice, in which case it will be enjoyable, or they will be appalling, in which case you will at least get a few funnystories out of the whole business.

DD is 8 months. He lives with his mum and she goes there EOW. Just can't get my head around how immature he is.

Do you feel that your DD is safe and well cared for at your MiL's? That's the priority and your main concern.

As much as I understand your upset, she's only 8 months old. She is not aware of exactly what this person is in relationship to your SXBTH. To an 8 month old, she's just some random 'face' with no specific meaning or place in her life. And honestly, I'm sure she won't be around for long!

I agree you do need to try and get some sort of agreement for the future though. I like redmaple's email.

I think you need to write yourself a nice letter detailing all the dirt he's done on you and take it out and read it if/when he tries to weasel back. It's so hard not to develop amnesia and something written down helps you remember all the 'bad' times.

Good idea acrossthepond. That's one of the main reasons I always take him back because after a while I forget all the shit he's put me through. Only now am I remembering what he put me through whilst I was pregnant. Had pretty much forgotten and had my rose tinted glasses tightly on!