Planning to split up ?

[EdithSimcox]

DP and I are in one hell of a rough patch. We are trying to work things out but tbh it really could go either way.

Is it a good idea to start planning what we will do if we do split (the house, the DC, who lives where, how we manage the change etc etc) either separately or together? Or would that just precipitate a break up? If we wait until that decision has been made will it be harder to make sensible decisions if we are desperate?

I guess it would take months to sort out (selling and buying houses etc) what on earth do people do during that phase? I find it hard to believe that either of us would agree to move out leaving the other with the DC. We don't have a spare room.

In my head I've been converting our playroom into a sort of bedsit so we can live together apart if need be. Is that a crazy idea?

I would probably want to arm myself with as much info as possible before starting any discussions. So that means researching local rent prices, local housing prices, using online calculators to work out if you can get top up tax credits, etc. Talk to work about if you could get flexible rota to help with childcare issues.

Unless he is abusive, I see no problem discussing this before you make the decision. That way, you might be able to allay each others fears and make compromises to ensure you remain amicable and effective co-parents.

However if he has abusive tendencies then I'd play your cards very close to your chest and not reveal any info/plans until you're ready to go.

No, there's no abuse issues. I'm just worried that talking about practicalities will make it seem more real, and thereby inevitable (which is not the outcome I want). But I also want it to be as easy as possible (for the DC in particular) if it does come to that.

You won't know if it will push the split to happen or not.

It might have the opposite effect. I'm t may make you both realise you have choices and that you actually want to be together, rather than being together because there's no alternatives.