Mother too smothering, dp too neglectful

[midlifehope]

I am 40 plus 4 with no sign of labour yet. My mum has come to stay to offer to help with childcare of ds1 when I go into labour as he's just three. However she has been here a week now and nothing is happening. She lives 2 hrs away, so she has used this to justify coming to stay as she doesn't want to drive 2 hrs during the night of I call her. I feel totally smothered by her presence even though she means well, as she is quite a worrier. I don't feel it's conducive to labour her being in the next room, and to be honest it's interfering with intimacy between me and dp, meanwhile, dp feels he has been let off the hook by dm being here and is going off for hours on end, pursuing his hobbies. They are in essence polarising each other. And I just feel miserable. I have a c section booked for 1 week if baby doesn't come, due to complications last time, but I really want baby to come naturally and feel that my mum hanging around watching might be holding me back. She will be really offended if I tell her to go home though. help me out please!!

She's just trying to help. I'd just let things ride and use her help to try and rest as much as you can. Are you perhaps projecting your fears on your mum? How is it her fault that your partner is abdicating responsibility? And, is it wise to be thinking about intimacy so close to your due date?

Your routine is upset by having someone else in your home but if you invited her to come and stay then you have a responsibility to at least make her feel welcome and deal with your anxieties by confiding in your partner. Its unkind to be projecting so much on your mum. You knew she was a worrier before she came to stay - you also know how to soothe her and if an atmosphere is being created by you and hubby, she will feel very worried about being in the way yet concerned too about letting you down.

Thanks for your comments. I don't mean physical intimacy so much as emotional. But yes, I'm aware I'm not being rational, it's just the way I feel and perhaps I am projecting. But I feel our relationship is suffering a bit with her being so present. I didn't really invite - she volunteered.

Then gently suggest that you'd feel better if she went home and that you're worried about partner not stepping up. If she goes home, he'll have to take on more responsibility. If you couch it in terms that suggest she'll be doing you a favour and if you offer to go to hers for a couple of days with the new baby, would that sort matters out?

It just sounds so rude doesn't it? Me telling her to go home.

It does. But if you confide in her? She's on your side and may appreciate your disclosing the real reason for the probable atmosphere and bad feeling. I'm sure she has your best interest at heart and most likely finds herself in-between a rock and a hard place with all the tension that must be floating in the air currently.

If its too hard, then take to your bed with a good book for a few hours each day and let them get on with it - partner and mum I mean!

No easy solution is there?