is this a red flag?

[Abundatia]

I gave up alcohol completely about 8 months ago. It's one of the best choices I've ever made -- I feel fantastic physically and much stronger mentally as well. The guy I am dating initially asked me about alcohol and when I said I don't drink he didn't make a big deal of it. But lately he keeps on and on trying to coax me into having a drink. He keeps asking me what wines and cocktails I used to drink. He actually said, "well let's hope we can get you drinking again soon."

I'd already explained to him that I don't like alcohol and don't miss it. His comments really bothered me when he said it and has been playing on my mind.

Also, this guy is ALWAYS in a mad rush. The stress is so palpable you can almost taste it and he's constantly discreetly looking at his watch. Every date is something he's sandwiched in in between rushing to his next meeting or dashing off for family commitments. Other than that he is a great person. But I'm starting to feel really tired of this constant stress.

His job requires him to work insanely long hours. But on top of that he is dealing with a father who has inoperable cancer who lives about 150 miles away and who he spends most of his free time visiting. In addition he has a 3 year old daughter who lives with her mother 1000s of miles away (in another country) and he spends one weekend out of four visiting his daughter.

I'm starting to feel like he's not worth the constant stress. It almost feels like an illicit affair despite the fact he's single and technically available.

Also every time we go out on a date he disappears to the toilet for a full 20 minutes and then returns to the table with no explanation.

Thoughts?

My opinion is he's taking drugs or texting in the toilets, he's got some other girlfriend he's going to see when he's "visiting his dad" and he's trying to break down your boundaries because he finds that fun.

I'd dump him.

Well my first thought was cocaine too re the 20 minutes thing but I didnt want to jump to conclusions!

After 8 months if it feels like too much hard work, then it is too much hard work, IMO

Haha, I'm laughing with you OP describing your own boyfriend as "so very shifty". He sounds...um. Yeah. I'd rather be at home watching Don't tell the Bride with a curry than wasting my time out with someone I thing is, frankly, well dodgy.

Move on.

I've watched too many cheeses dramas.

He sounds married or coked up

LMAO! I'm just being honest

It's almost tempting to hire a private detective to investigate what the f*ck he is really up to. It'd be a waste of cash though.

You could give a waiter a tenner and ask him to go into the loos and find out what the hell he's up to.

Agitated guy, who spends 20 mins in the loo?
Not hard to guess what he's doing.
Move on from this one.

I wasn't implying you were making it up.

Just that that is what my mind would be telling me

hahahahaha

He's very "square" though so I didn't know he'd be adventurous enough to be sniffing coke. Who knows?!

Maybe he enjoys sticking spoons up his bum? But who cares, frankly.

He's married.

Blimey, are you his wife hun?

Spending 20 minutes in the loo? Could he be cottaging?

Just a thought about the inordinate time spent in the loo. I have an ileostomy (Google it if you don't know what it is) and if I need to empty my pouch, I will be absent for longer than you would expect. Most of the people I socialise with know and understand, but those who don't can give me odd looks when I return. From the other things you describe this bloke sounds a complete no-no, but I just thought the ostomy might provide an explanation for one aspect of his behaviour.