WDYD if the DCs decide they want to live with EXDH because he lives in the "nicer" house?

[MagersfonteinLugg]

That's it really.
EX lives in a very nice house and I have moved into a bit of a shit tip in a crappy area out of economic necessisity.
DS1 wants to be near his mates, DS2 wants to be near the park which is on the doorstep, and DD wants to be near her dad.
I am gutted as I have always been the main carer and feel a bit betrayed, if that makes any sense.
I never thought I would end up as the weekend parent.
Should I put my foot down and insist they stay wioth me majority of time.
EX is rubbing his hands invglee as he sees it as a way to get one over on me not because he actually wants them majority of the time.
Sorry for rambling but really upset.

Yes, Former Marital Home.
In my daughter's case, the one with the treehouse, and the one where she doesn't need to queue for the bathroom

I don't blame you for feeling hurt, OP, I would as well.

Would 50/50 be an option for you, would that work with travel to school etc?

I would be devastated but would probably let them go if they insisted that that is what they wanted. Let him deal with all the homeworks/meals/washing and you do the fun stuff at weekends. It probably won't be that long before your ex says that he has to work away...

They are still young and young children generally see material rather than quality of care, so don't hold that against them or take it personally.

I can understand how painful that would be. But I can well imagine as a child choosing to stay in the family home. It's actually nothing personal to you.

Why does your ex keep the family home and not you?

I'm not in the same situation really, DS1 spends 50/50 with me and at his Dad's and DS2 is with me about 80-90% of the time. But I still find it really galling that DS1 wishes to see so much of his father as he spend no time with him for 8 years whilst we all lived together and he took no responsibility for me and helped me with nothing! So I know how you feel, OP.

He did try to become superdad for a few weeks after he moved out, but now DS1 seems to spend most of his time reading, watching TV or playing minecraft while his dad works or ignores him... and DS doesn't like this but feels guilty for saying this in case he upsets his dad. Ex just can't cope with looking after both kids at the same time as it is too much work for him. Are you sure your ex would actually want the kids living with him during the week anyway?

would have replied before but internet playing up.
With regards to the family home....we moved out of our house of 13 years into another house nearby as DS2 was being bullied by new neighbours (long long story), so we only lived in new family home for about 5 months before the split. So the DCs didnt really have time to become attached to it. but it was in a much nicer area, next to a park with a lovely garden and of course all their stuff.
When I moved out it was to a smaller house with a rubbish garden, most of their stuff left at family home and no park next door. In fact its right next to an industrial estate.
Its roughly the same distance to their schools but in the opposite direction IYSWIM.
EXDH is self employed so can pretty much call his own working hours so is able to work in school hours only if need be (although he never offered to do that when we were together).
I just cant help feeling that I have brought this on myself. If I had just bit my lip and not left then none of this would have happened.

So, it makes sense for him to have the kids or could you/did you do pick ups as well?

It sounds like you had to leave. Can't you ask for residency instead, if it's feasible to have the children during the week?

I suspect others are right, in that he'll be fed up soon, but you never know.

Have you divorced 'OP' or is that still ongoing? If not, would you expect a financial settlement that would enable you to find a more appropriate home or are you hoping to reconcile ? ( your last post sounded like you regret leaving). It does sound like your dcs are happy with their df and that he is in the position to care for them.

Children see things in a very black and white way. I am assuming they are not privy to the 'whys and wherefores' of your marriage breakdown and therefore see only that you left their df. They may feel they don't want to leave him alone and have developed huge feelings of guilt and responsibility for him.
It's not unusual for children to want to 'look after' a parent when they see the parent 'abandoned' Although it is 'normally' the mother abandoned by the father so the issue of who has the children rarely arises.

I don't think wanting to play in a park or see friends is being materialistic at all, they are things most children like.

Just because it's common for courts to favour the mother doesn't mean it's always right. Children have two parents, if the OP is hurt they want to live with the other imagine how the millions of men feel when they know if they split up the mother by nature of her sex will gain custody.

50/50 would be great for the kids, they get to see friends and play out and you don't have to worry about childcare on those days. Both parents get equal time.

As some have suggested, I'd be very upset and disappointed if I were in your position.

I suspect others are right, in that he'll be fed up soon, but you never know.

No, that's it, you never know. I personally find it extremely sexist that other posters are assuming, on no evidence, that a father wouldn't actually want his children to move in with him.