Birthday present for an ex boyfriend

[BWF1]

Hey everyone, it's my ex boyfriends birthday next week, after an until rough patch straight after breaking up we are now on good terms and I was thinking of getting him a little present.

A little bit of background info, because of his work he had to move some 200 miles away from me. We tried the long distance thing but it didn't work, we barely got to see each other and our relationship was suffering so we called it a day.

After an initial period of no contact after we broke up communication slowly started up again and now we either message or chat on the phone probably 2-3 times a month. So not a lot of contact but enough to know what is going on in each other's lives.

Does anyone have any present ideas?

He has just got a puppy so for his birthday I was going to give him a framed picture of his puppy. Is this a good idea?

The only problem is I don't have a picture of the puppy. We aren't friends on facebook, I deleted him after the initial split and as I don't really go on there much I've never re added him.

We have mutual friends and they said he has put photos of the puppy on facebook. Would it be an invasion of his privacy to ask one of our mutual friends to send me a picture of the puppy off facebook? Would you mind if somebody did this to you? Or should I just give him the picture frame with no picture in. I could ask him to send me a picture but he may think it's a bit of a strange request as I've seen the puppy in the flesh so don't really need to see a photo!

Any help / suggestions would be much appreciated!

Thank you ??

Thank you again for your comments and views.

While the distance thing may seem like an excuse we were both really struggling with finding time to see each other. It's a three hour drive on a good day factor in traffic etc and it usually takes longer.

We both work in similar jobs in the same industry and its the norm to work a 6 day week and long hours which we both do. We have different days off so can't even spend our day off together. It might be different if we both worked 9 - 5 and had evenings and weekends off to spend together but we don't.

Yes I would like to get back together at some point if we ever found ourselves living closer together but not right now because the distance makes things impossible. He also doesn't drive which makes things harder but he did used to get the train to down here.

I don't do these things for him because I want to get back with him as right now a relationship between us isn't possible because of the distance and I can see that. I do things for him because I still care about him.

With regards to the rough patch after the initial split it was me who instigated the no contact. We had a month or so of sorting things out as he owed me money and I owned furniture and things in his house.

During this period of sorting things out we really didn't get on. There were lots of arguments and disagreements, I think we were both hurt and upset things hadn't worked out. I found it all quite upsetting so once everything was sorted I said it was best we cut contact and so we did.

I didn't know then but he has subsequently told me that he then joined a dating website and started to see a girl which lasted a month or two. We didn't have any contact during that time.

She then finished with him and he got back in contact with me a few weeks later. Yes it turns out he needed to borrow money (??50) and yes maybe stupidly I lent it to him but I trusted him enough that he would pay it back and he did.

He was really stuck for cash and I really believe he wouldn't of asked me if he wasn't really desperate, it must of taken a lot for him to take that first step in messaging me. If he really doesn't have anyone in his life, friends or family, that could lend him ??50 then I feel quite sorry for him. I do still care about him and hate to think of him struggling and I hope that if I was ever in the same situation that he would help me out. I believe that you treat others how you would like to be treated.

we have stayed in contact since then and then when he said about having to move I offered to help him, it wasn't him who asked.

He is very open about things and I think if he was seeing someone else he would say. It was only a couple of weeks ago I helped him move house and I'm sure he wouldn't of taken me up on the offer and let me stay in the spare room if he had a new girlfriend.

The ?? In my last post should be a pounds sign, not sure why it is coming up as ??

Fair enough OP but I'd tread carefully with this one as he apparently has a financial incentive here as well and that puts the relationship on a very uneven footing. Whatever the reasons are for why you're not together at the moment it sounds as if you're unhealthily invested in something which is not going to have a future for you (at least at the moment.)

But leaving all of this aside, a framed picture of his pet is bordering on creepy. Just don't.

Send him a card at most, offer to buy him a drink. That's more than enough.

Two hundred miles away and the exchange of messages is two or three times a month? You have explained about the demands of work. He can't drive and has just got a puppy so it doesn't sound like he'll be visiting any time soon.

You mention mutual friends and you say you're both working in the same industry so maybe it's easy to keep tabs on him but in this day and age only two or three pieces of contact a month seems sketchy.

He is very open about things except when he omitted to tell you that he had signed up with a dating website and was dating someone. During which period he wasn't in touch and when he did get in contact it was after they'd split and he was broke. And you were happy to go over and help him move but I wonder with him not driving and the pup how sincere was the offer of reciprocal help if you needed any..?

I think a card will do just fine.

(rolls out his old mantre) Op there is an old Russian proverb - 'If three people tell you, you are ill. go and see a doctor'

Despite your three longs explanations no one has agreed with sending this guy a present. What more advice do you need. He's not that into you (sorry).

He's keeping you dangling OP because it sounds like you're his cash cow. If he wanted you to be together, you'd be together. My DP and I used to live at opposite ends of the country for 5 years and we made it work.

You're on his hook.

He only contacted you when he wanted to borrow money? Of course he paid you back he can ask you any time now