Lonely stir fry...

[Downwiththissortofthing1]

I posted last weekend about my now ex and his shennigans... Stupidly I forgave him (sorry sorry sorry to all the people who offered sensible advice) and things were fine until last night when he got rollicking drunk and called me every name under the sun, refused to leave until I threatened to call the police. Obviously, final straw, but just sitting on my own, having made my own sad little stirfry (which had far too much chilli in it, btw), and just wondering what life holds from now on... Guess I am just feeling sad, lonely and used. Sorry again. Just not really got anyone else to confide in right now.

That's not sad. I have embraced my wimpyness and I leave the landing light on all night now for these scenarios. It's just about finding tricks that make your life easier. That, and giving yourself treats like chip butties, and Hagan daZ ice cream too (I am so getting me some of that for tomorrow nights feast!)

Keep a headtorch by the bed.

You could always go Victorian and have a chamber pot under your bed (preferably a nice dish or pan that belonged to him!) .

I shall pick some up in the way home, only got waitrose own raspberry ripple at the mo, and it's been in the freezer for at least a year. Right, I've braved the wee run, and I am going to turn the bedside light out with a chair firmly wedged against the door. Thank you all for cheering me up this eve, and I wish you all a good night's sleep. Here's hoping that we all survive the night, in order to eat crisp sandwiches and ice cream tomorrow. Don't let the bastards grind you down, and all that. Just got an extremely rude message off the man (child). I am going to gracefully ignore it and Dream of cookies n cream (or do they still do cookie dough? Ben and jerry's?) either way, good nigjt

i have all sorts of wee scenarios planned out for emergencies. Like when I'm watching a film on the bbc and there are no breaks and I forgot to go before it started and I might miss something if I run up the stairs at breakneck speed. I am a grown woman and there is no-one to see me should I carry them out. Not that i ever have. But i could if i wanted. Or when I eat a massive bar of dairy milk. Or when I spend a lot of money on clothes and spread it out doing a show and tell to myself

Getting stuffy under that cross out blanket.

Lovely, you'll get over this. You got to adjust and then it's easier xx

Now I feel silly with all that wee stuff up there.

Night precious

Goodnight :)
I still think your friends would be very happy to hear from you, they wouldn't like to think you hadn't called them when you needed them. I'm sure you would not be pleased if you found out your friend hadnt contacted you cos she thought you were busy?... :)

So I survived the Alsatians and the burgalars. Did not survive the sense of doom and gloom. Woken up feeling all pessimistic and rubbish. Just keep wondering why it is that all my friends are either happily married, have children or are in steady relationships. I don't think I am that awful a person, I have two degrees, a professional job and only one head, the usual amount of limbs etc. But I seem to lurch from one disastrous relationship to another, that start out extremely well and then go sour. This is not how I pictured my life. What is wrong with me???

Nothing is wrong with you, and not everything is right for everyone else.

Dp bought a portaloo the other day. It's a sort of fold up canvass thing you put 'loo in a bag' bags in, then tie them up and throw away. He says it's really just for poos...... I've told him he can put it in the garage and I never want to see it again. Or send it to Calais!

You just set your bar too low. You accepted less than you deserve. But, and it's a huge BUT, you are now free of a tosser. Spend this time on yourself, learn to love yourself, make a pact with yourself that you will raise your bar and no compromising on this.

Life is never straightforward - even to those whose lives look good on the outside. You never know how someone may have struggled to get what they have.

Your obvious good sense of humour will help you massively.

It feels shitty but let's face it, nobody died. You are free to embrace the next adventure in your life.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you! You sound just lovely!

If you are making bad choices in terms of men, though, then (when you feel ready) it might be worth exploring why you are making those choices. In my own case, for example, I was either setting the bar too low, or putting too much weight on the wrong aspects.

From experience, I can confirm that that sort of reflection is helped by copious amounts of ice cream, chocolate biscuits, and a regularly emptied bladder.

There's nothing wrong with you but there may be something wrong with previous, usually primary, relationships. Or there are an unusual number of turds out there...

ime of a disastrous marriage I, yes, did the therapy thing and found out a lot about my previous, therefore primary, relationships - and saw a theme. Rather obvious, actually, but one thinks primary families/relationships are fine, moreorless: usual stuff. Just that evidence could prove otherwise.

Basically, shitty relationships usually suggest shitty relationships were modelled at an impressionable age. If you're like me you will probably think yy I know all that wasn't great and I know why but of course I'm not going to do anything like that as an adult (I actually sniggered to myself on my wedding day that my husband was nothing like my questionable father. How wrong I was! He was an amalgamation of all the worse bits, and some, of my nutjob parents.)

Anyway, do a bit of digging? You may as well. And btw not everyone/everyone's relationship is fine, despite how it looks. You'd be surprised what people put up with xx

What your grandmother said, plus something mine used to say: better alone than in bad company.

Thank you all for your comments and advice. Someone at work brought in cake today, and after a thoroughly stressful day, I think I ate about a quarter half of it. So now I shall be fat as well as alone. Been getting some horrible messages off the bastard, blaming me for everything and telling me I am pathetic. The kind of comments that make you feel all hot and humiliated and a bit wobbly. Nice. I might go and purchase more lonely stirfry ingredients. Is it too early for wine?

Wow, I can't imagine why you left him. He's clearly a prince. Think of all the lovely things he would be doing and saying right now if he were there.

Block him. Take his bullying messages as proof of how right you were to knock it on the head and how lucky you are to have escaped. Ate too much cake? Well, by being shot of him you've already lost several stone of toxic dead weight so that's a start. Don't punish yourself for a bit of post breakup comfort eating. But do get on with exercise that you enjoy. You'll feel happier for it and if you do want to lose weight it'll help get you into the right head space.

I know I know. It's weird, if the shoe was on the other foot, then I would be offering the exact same advice and saying exactly the same things... It's just difficult to process that advice when it's you in that situation. I guess it's not so much that I want him (who flipping well would?!) but that at the beginning it was so promising, and has gone so rapidly downhill. He was always quite possessive and jealous, but never displayed the characteristics to the extent that he is just doing it to be nasty now. I think I shall wallow for a few days, perhaps take to my bed with hagaan daz in the manner of a tragic Victorian heroine spinster, or drown my sorrows in vast vats of Pinot Grigio, and then pull myself together. It's just that I am getting on, and I always thought I would be married with kids by now. Serves me right! Maybe I am just destined to be alone, living with my mother (can't sell my house for the foreseeable future which is in another part of the country, a hugely long and boring story) as rent where I live is extortionate. Sorry, I shall stop with the self pity now.

Lonely stirfry ingredients purchased, now bath time, pjs, and then settling down with a glass of wine for a good old wallow in front of shit tv. I am the modern day miss havisham, although obviously, she has one up on me, she actually got as far as wearing the wedding dress...

Somebody posted recently asking how to bear being single in later life. Turned out 'later life' was 29 i don't know where that puts me, then - a skeleton?

Night night Miss H

If Miss Havisham had had some wine, some ice cream, a supportive internet forum and a few good friends to talk to, she'd have got out of the wedding dress eventually...and then wondered what she'd ever seen in that arsehole.

This is extremely true. Had phone on silent all day and just checked it, five missed calls, 15 whatsapp messages saying how worried he is that I haven't answered. Should have thought of that before you were vile and verbally abusive, shouldn't you dickwad. I am obviously not replying but there is a good chance I may have the misfortune of crossing paths with him these eve, due to hobby commitments... Pah.oh well, at least the weather is currently all sunny and shiny, which has cheered me vastly. Any advice for how to dodge dickwads when you have no choice but to have to go to the place where they will most likely be? Go in disguise? Bag over head with eye holes cut into it... Too conspicuous??

Practice this in the mirror before you go: hand up in a 'stop' gesture and say firmly 'I do not wish to speak with you'.

Block the stupid fucker on whatsapp then he can't wheedle and get under your skin. You were only together a few months, this is waaay too much drama

Yes I appreciate this. However it's just the situation of being single once again that is getting to me, not necessarily him and his fuckwittery. Sorry if you think I am being a drama queen

That's completely understandable, of course. But you recognise it for what it is, and now you're free to discover yourself, what YOU like as opposed to what HE wants, and free to start a new relationship with the right person, when the time is right.

Thank you sheba I know I joke about a bit, but I am quite concerned about getting into a new relationship, at whatever point in my life. The last three have turned out to be, putting it bluntly, shite. My job takes up an awful amount of my time, both mentally and physically (in the sense of the amount of time I have to be there - not in the sense of swinging axes and running marathons...), and then there is the hobby side of things, it's just hard to make time to meet someone, esp as I said all my friends are pretty much 'cosy nights in' with their other halves type people. I am bored of being the third wheel! Gah. Come on sunshine, cheer me up again...