I can't tell if it's me or her. I would say her relationships with all six of us is turbulent. On the face of it she's done her best and isn't a bad person, but I find spending time with her progressively more difficult, particularly when we're with my dc.
As an example, I'm finding my dc challenging at the moment and she knows this. She talks the talk as if she understands and supports me, yet does nothing to back me up when she's here. I know it's my job, but when she's there and I'm busy cooking etc, she just sits there. I decided to be honest today and tell her I'd really like her back up and she told me she never told us off either and she isn't going to change! Everything is so much more stressful when she's there as she quietly judges me getting cross and shouting. I thought maybe I was being paranoid when dc were younger and I thought she was judging me, but my siblings have now had dc and I hear the way she judges them.
Sorry to rant, I've had a horrible evening and need to get it off my chest. To be honest, it breaks my heart to see our relationship becoming so negative.