Is it ok for me to be this way or will I regret my introverted ways in old age?

[creativelicense]

I have been an introvert all my life, I am in my late 30's now and I can't imagine I will change. When I was younger I had the usual insecurities and I lingered around the margins of various social scenes but I could never really throw myself into them, yes I was shy but also I just didn't really want to. I remember being appalled when acquaintances or even boyfriends would drop in on me unannounced while I was at university and I always hated last minute plans and nearly always turned them down.

I don't do social media, I don't drink, I dislike parties. I work alone now all day every day (I'm an artist) while my husband is at work. We have no children or pets and I never see anyone or get lonely or fed up on my own. I know I would be lonely for my husband specifically if I didn't get to see him. I do also have a couple of friends from university who I still see a few times a year and I always enjoy that but since childhood I have shied away from close friendships with others where I felt expected to be in contact daily or to see weekly. I also hated when a female friend would try and make me one of the "girls" i.e. to try and include me in her group of girlfriends who all hung out together I do understand this was meant well but more than once my rejection of this offer was taken as rejection of the individual woman I had become friendly with.

I think there are only 6 people in my life I would really miss if I never saw them again including my husband and immediate family. I am not especially cold or unfriendly and I am not an unfeeling person, in fact my husband says I am the most sensitive (not as in easily offened, more like easily moved) person he has ever met but that is proabaly a part of myself I keep private.

I have been thinking about having children, though only because time is running out but I feel no real desire to have one, I have certainly never felt broody. I have a neice and while she is sweet and fascinating she doesn't inspire any longing in me. I always feel children are just people and I'm not much of a people person. I notice that many women like me channel their maternal energy into pets but while I like animals in the wild, I don't much like the ideas of them in my home especially not a dog, I don't get dog ownership at all.

When I get invited to a party or a wedding my immediate thought is "why are they doing this to me?" From my point of view I think I don't inflict this sort of thing on them so why are they doing it to me?

I know right now that I must sound like a horrible stick in the mud but I am very much occupied with my art work and my interests as well as the few close relationships I have I don't have the time or energy for a "normal" social life. I am happy and content as I am.

Recently my sister in law said I should "force" myself to be more social or have children because I would regret it once I was old that I didn't have lots of friends but will I really be so different then?

If you're happy, its up to you.

If you don't want children then definately don't have them. If you're happy with your own company as a rule then stay that way. You still have a husband, family and select friends so don't worry about other people's opinions.
Stay happy!

I think you're life sounds wonderful! If you're happy, which it sounds like you are, then why change it!

I am introverted too and find I get more so as I age (55 currently) so I would stay as you are.

Thank you for the responses, they do make sense. When I look back over my life so far the only things I really regret are the time and energy I wasted trying to fit in when I was young.

Firstly, if someone invites you to a party or wedding it's probably because they want to see you. Not to 'inflict' something on you, can you really not see their side of things?

I doubt you'll change and if you are happy now, you have no need to. If your current lifestyle passes the rocking chair test - when you are sitting alone in later life and you look back over your life, would there be anything that you regret if you didn't do it - then you'll be fine.

I get the impression that you spend a lot of time on your own and are happy with that, which is fine. How much time do you spend with your relatives? I suspect not too much - the only issue that I could see being a problem is if you see these other few people a lot and depend on them (more than they'd like) for company. I don't think that is the case though, so relax and enjoy!

I've been wondering about this very thing recently. I'm a similar age, and similarly introverted, though I do have children.

I've made my peace with my introversion, and know that I'm happy with one or two individual friends that I occasionally catch up with, and some other older friends that I see maybe once a year. I don't feel I have to push myself into any kind of social life for the sake of appearances, but I do wonder about 20 years down the line that maybe I'll suddenly want a social life but everyone will have their good old friends and established groups and I'll feel lonely then. But I can't force myself to socialise now just in case I want friends when I'm 50+ can I?

I'm an introvert and I'm fine as I am. I suspect you are too. :)

Cats are much better pets - they're not needy at all, and do the 'companiable silence' thing perfectly.

Don't feel pushed into having kids - there are seven billion people on the planet, we aren't an endangered species.

Don't feel pushed into acting in a way that makes you unhappy or goes against your basic makeup. Sure, you may grant concessions and attend a 'do' now and again, but live your life how you want to.

I think your life sounds rather nice. Certainly quiet and peaceful.

The invites - well, they are people wanting to see you. If it distresses you, either give it a miss and send a nice card/present with a note, or go, show your face and leave early. Up to you.

Fizrim, I do understand that the people inviting me are being nice and I can understand their point of veiw, I was using my reaction as a way of illustrating how I feel about socialising in general, which is generally I don't like it.

I don't think I will regret how I have lived but like flipdoodle its possible that later in life due to bereavement I may find myself more alone in the world and perhaps then I would be lonely, but perhaps not.

The only person I see often in my husband and I live with him. I doubt he finds me too dependent.

I would say - probably best not to have children!

Severe introverts struggle with raising children, because children are with you / on you / need you relentlessly, especially in the younger years (and I do mean years).

I am not an introvert - I love company, but do also need time to myself, and I admit, I struggle with that side of parenthood.

It's a known, recognised phenomena - introvert parents very much struggle with never getting that time alone that they need for their equilibrium.

I have read that about introverts and I can see how it would be an issue. However my own mother is also very introverted and she loved being a mother, the main difference is that she had us very young and was probably more flexible than I would be now.

My guess is that if I had a child I would love him or her and that I would even be a good mum but if I don't feel that longing is it worth giving up the life I love now, probably not.

It's possible to be an introvert and enjoy the early years. It's worked for me as I've been a SAHM. I think I would probably have found it hard if I had worked and spent all day with people then come home in the evening to full-on family life.

Not to say that I think you should have children, it doesn't sound like you want them really.

I'm an introvert, but I do have a daughter and a partner and I work. So I would completely disagree with TheDowagerCuntess The need of a child is a completely different animal to social situations or friendships. I didn't think I'd ever want a child, but something changed in me and I did. But that's beside the point. If you don't want one, don't have one.

There's been points in my life why I have had a wobble and wondered like you if I was going to regret it and I'm doing something wrong, so I would throw myself into the social scene... and I can honestly say I do regret that, just caused more stress, hassle, problems and anxiety each time than I needed and I always longed to be alone or back home no matter how much people told me I would enjoy myself.

Don't be someone else's version of happy and normal. Be yours :)