Getting individual personal therapy alongside couples' counselling.

[nrv0us]

My DW and I are going to be starting at Relate in a week or two, but I am considering getting some individual counselling just for myself to kind of go alongside it. I have never really had counselling/therapy before, and am quite looking forward to the idea of getting some outside perspective on myself and some help with some of the personal issues and patterns that have been circling around me for the last few years.

Has anyone got experience of doing these at the same time, and if so, would you advise against or in favour of it? What was your experience like, and what did you gain from it? Is there a particular style of therapy that works well in such situations?

I cannot recommend psychotherapy enough, to anyone who is interested in it. I've been in therapy for 6 years and its been by far the best thing I've ever done for myself, if also at times the most painful. I understand myself so much better, am much more in touch with all the pain that I kept hidden for years and years and have processed a lot of it. I'm less angry, less sad, less depressed and probably much easier to live with! I like myself more and am more stable and I feel more in control of my life.

I've never been in couples therapy but I can't see any reason why you couldn't do personal therapy and couples therapy at the same time.

This isn't meant to be depressing but ex and I were going to do couples therapy. Therapist recommended doing single therapy first with a view of coming together for couples therapy after. When we broke up (before we got as far as couples therapy) I carried on the therapy and am happier than I've ever been.

I'd def. recommend therapy on your own also. It's the best thing I ever did

I would dispense with the couples therapy and both go for individual therapy. It is far more effective, imo - because you're both taking responsibility for the one person you can each change.

That's a very good point gatewalker

It's not recommended at all to do individual and couple therapy at the same time.

I have known two different counsellors to recommend this. However, it's very important that you don't do both with the same counsellor.

I did couples and individual therapy at the same time. I didn't feel there was any clash or that it created any difficulties at all. It may have sped things up and help me process stuff.

Thanks all for the responses -- I'm going to go ahead with the solo counselling as well, but try not to spend too much time in those sessions talking about stuff between me and my DW.

First solo sesh coming up this morning. Right before a dentist appointment. Ulp.

Good luck OP. Hope both go well!

What gatewalker said. DH and I went for couples counselling once and tbh I don't think it made much of a difference except as tangible evidence that we were both trying really hard to get through a difficult patch. My personal therapy on the other hand has been game-changing, including in terms of relationship stuff.

When I said we went for counselling 'once' I mean it was some sessions, not that we went to one session and concluded it was useless

I started with solo psychotherapy and opened a can of worms that led to my marriage breaking up. During the process we went to Relate (useless) and to a private family therapist for over 8 months but as my XH was abusive he used it against me and it didn't help. I carried on with my personal therapy for another year after I left and it was fabulous and changed my life.

Good luck and enjoy the voyage of discovery!