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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Best friend has cut me off.

10 replies

lostnlonely21 · 08/09/2015 07:37

My best friend of 15yrs appears to have cut me off & I don't know why? I'm quite gutted. I don't want to give many details but nothing at all has happened between us. No arguments, no cock-ups. The last I heard I was congratulated in early July for something that had happened in my life, so we left it on a positive note. We both have stuff going on right now but the sort of stuff we would share & support each other with, not close up over. I'm really sad. I have no idea what's happened. All my messages remain unanswered. This is so out of character. We have mutual friends but they never gossip, all I've heard is that she's ok. What do I do, just walk away & accept it? Very sad.

OP posts:
WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 08/09/2015 07:46

I would send her a message telling her that you're sad, ask her if you've done something to upset her?

MuttonDressedAsGoose · 08/09/2015 07:48

Have you specifically contacted her to ask her? What medium of communication are you using?

This is a terrible situation to be in, and I feel for you op.

Whitechocolatetoblerone · 08/09/2015 08:54

I’m in exactly the same situation OP with my best friend of 20 years. Only I know what I’ve done, not attend a party with her, her husband and 4 other friends because it was a 6 hour drive there and back, I had no money, was exhausted after a long week and my partner had to work so I’d have been the only ‘single’ person going (when initially it was just meant to be a girls night out!)

I apologised profusely but explained I really couldn’t afford it and it was a long drive there and back for me (it was only a 1 hour drive for her because she’s recently moved) for a few hours at a party. I NEVER bail on plans so I thought she’d understand but she was quite irate and rude. She then said it was fine but she has barely spoken to me since and this was 2 months ago.

I miss her but I REFUSE to grovel or apologise again. It would just confirm to her that she is in the right, when IMO, she is not. There were 5 other people going, it's not like I left her to go on her own (which I wold never have done!)

In your case though, when you really don’t know, I would have to ask what it is I’m meant to have done! It’s very childish of her to cut you off without having it out with you first. I'd hate having to ask as I'm quite proud and stubborn, but then again, it would eat me up not knowing.

Try and call her, or go around and see her? If you're not comfortable with that, how about an email? Though I think i'd prefer a Whatsapp or FB message personally as at least then you know whether she's read it!

KERALA1 · 08/09/2015 09:01

This is why I avoid these deep "best friend" type relationships as an adult.

MiddleAgedandConfused · 08/09/2015 09:02

All you can do is ask her.

She might reply saying everything is OK (when it clearly isn't), she might ignore you, or she might send you a toxic email with your crimes listed.Sad

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 08/09/2015 18:45

You were congratulated over something that happened to you, could it be the one thing she wants. Could it be the green eyed monster raring its head

featherandblack · 08/09/2015 19:35

A lot of people seem to think this is perfectly acceptable behaviour these days. Barbaric.

I would just check that she is in one piece - whatever it takes to do that. Perhaps ask her for one line so you know she is alright and then assure her you will take the hint. Then, if there is any reason to hold onto hope, you will know.

Flowers
hobanoba · 08/09/2015 20:19

When I was in my mid 20's I stopped replying to all emails, stopped even looking at them, never answered the phone left my mobile off and just went off grid as they say. It lasted a few months and the only people I saw at that point were my immediate family. It was just so much happening I had crashed and burned out in my fledging career, droped out of my masters course, had my heart broken, my mum became seriously ill. I couldn't cope and just wanted to drop off the face of the earth for a bit and I did when I came round all but my true friends had dropped me but I will always appreciate the ones who gave me that time and understood.

Everyone copes with stress diffrently so maybe that is why she has gone to ground.

Notgivingin789 · 08/09/2015 20:31

KERALA1 I completely agree with you.

SolsburyHell · 08/09/2015 20:37

What did she congratulate you on and how does her situation compare? I'd say it is probably relevant.

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