Struggling with NC

[KayDee81]

Im finding nc with ex soo hard. More due to the fact that he feels obligated to message me every weekend when hes out. I always end up replying! (No control lol). I do Ignore his calls though cant bring myself to speak to him!
This time though he wrote a really genuine apology for all the shit he put me through and i just melted, he asked me round but i declined. we were still speaking all the next day just chatting like we were still together which is unusual because he normally just messages when hes out and obviously wants a quickie... I havent given in to that since we split!
Confusing thing is, hes the one that said he doesnt want to continue "being in a relationship" because he wants to go out every weekend partying getting coked up with his mates!!
Why do i find it so hard to ignore him, i hate myself for it and i cant move on! Anyone got any advice?

It seems to me that he is controlling you. Your thoughts and feelings are about him and what he wants.
Is there any reason to speak to him? Would it be possible to let his future phone calls go your answer phone. It would then be more difficult for him to contact you.
He isn't offering to change is he? He is just playing silly so and so's with you.

IMO you need to fill up your life with lots of activities so that there is no time left for this loser. Walk, run, diet, volunteer, clean, wash, polish everything rather than let him dangle you on a piece of string.

You are a strong woman who has survived a brush with this piece of S*. You DESERVE more. He had his chance and he blew it.

he wants to go out every weekend partying getting coked up with his mates!!

Just keep reminding yourself of that sentence.

There can be no long term happy ending with someone like that. It will bring you nothing but grief.

holeinmyheart - Thanks for your lovely message, youre right i know i just find myself constantly checking his whatsapp and facebook chat to see when hes online. I dont even know why im driving myself crazy at the thought of him speaking to someone else!