Left after 26 years for the woman at work...

[Dollygirl2008]

Right, here goes. Long story - they always are aren't they...

Been with other half for 26 years since I was 18 (I'm 46). We have a 8 year old daughter. Our relationship has been slowly dissolving for perhaps a couple of years now, more so for him as I buried my head in the sand. I was happy to just "carry on" - rightly or wrongly. Anyway, the arguing became so bad last Christmas that we decided to see where it went. It was pretty grim to be honest - atmosphere every night, felt like there was always a white elephant in the room. Got to end of May, and I think he couldn't deal with it anymore. He HAS to be loved, adored and I think I've just taken him for granted and never really listened when he was trying to voice his concerns about our relationship. Anyway, we decided early June that we had probably hit the end of the road, but we would be amicable and still go on a very expensive holiday we had booked for August, really for our daughters sake. After we had this chat, he admitted that there was a woman at work he was interested in. He swore that nothing had happened, but he was pretty sure that she felt the same way (I'm sure she was just hanging around). A few nights later, he told me that he'd spoken to this lady (!) and yes, she did feel the same way but they were definite that nothing would happen between them until we finally split. Anyway, a dreadful summer was spent with me wondering whether they were with each other etc, then we went on a lovely holiday where we got on really well. I began to think that maybe things could be OK, but deep down I knew we were too "broken" to fix (his drinking, my aggression). 4 days after coming back, he left and moved straight in with her and her 3 daughters.

So now I am angry. Angry that he could just move straight into her house, bed after 26 years. I actually feel "OK" - just "OK" - as in I'm functioning, I'm still at work, and I'm fine on my own. Not sure if its the shock or whether I actually dealt with more mentally over the summer than I thought. I mean - what sort of a woman moves a man in with her 3 daughters on the basis of working with him??? The reason I'm posting is that I can't shake some feelings:

1. Has he been telling the truth and really not "seeing her" properly over the summer? He is the most honest person I know, and believe me, he's told me some things that I'd rather not have heard!! He is still swearing he's been telling the truth and isn't really sure whether he loves her or not. Should I just let the summer go regardless, draw a line under it and move on??
2. What really hurts me at the moment is that he couldn't sort his demons out with me - I feel like I'm the one that made him so unhappy that he had to turn to drink/drugs but now he's with missy, he's so happy that he can tackle them
3. Their child-free weekends - I keep wondering what they're going to do

Sorry for the lengthy post. I do believe that we are doing the right thing, but I just feel that he should have had some space to sort his head out, and to help our 8 year old adjust. No one apart from me has voiced their opinion at him just moving in with her as they're too scared to piss him off incase he shuts them out.

Just feel like I need some advice if anyone can be bothered to sift through this....... x

You can't rush love and if you do it turns round and snaps the cock off you. Or tits. this might be the best thing I've read all day

You're one of us Dolly and we fucking rock.
Seriously though, keep going as you are. You're dealing with the reality of a painful situation, and will recover fully as a result. He's in a wee fantasy and is most definitely not dealing with the difficult changes. Prepare to watch his cock being snapped off.....

fast I'm touched.

DrMorbius do you fancy me or summat ? That's the second time today you have jumped on one of my posts. You seem a tad obsessed Have you any hobbies you could throw yourself into, to take your mind off me ?

I know it can be difficult, when some one just gets right under your skin < head tilt >

Oh my god BUN FIGHT

Sorry AnyFucker I'm trying to lighten the mood.

he fancies me

poor fella, he can't help following me around the boards trying to attract my attention

you know, like when 7yo's pull pigtails of the girls they fancy

like that

Call me an old cynic but I think they were having an affair and before the summer too. When did things at home start getting really difficult? On another thread we've been discussing delightful men who've been conducting affairs while TTC with current partners! So no morals aren't that high among cheaters. Also sounds like you're falling for his gaslighting/Deflection/blame shifting. Don't. You may not have been perfect dw but neither was he even before ow!

I'm also sceptical new relationship will work as pp have said he won't be able to hide the drink issue for long and a new woman is far less likely to put up with it from a new man who isn't dc father.

You're probably numb right now but yes sti check, and get your financials in order (eg who's paying for the car? He now has sole use of?)

sorry you've joined our ranks.

anyfucker - summat - what the f*, is that even a word????

Despite being fairly worldly I have no idea what < head tilt > means unless you are one of the Indian TCN's I worked with in the ME.

he fancies me - Yes of course.... in your small "physically constrained world" I fancy you... but doesn't everyone....night night..........

It's definitely a word in my part of Yorkshire DrMorbius!! Not a northener then?

Much prefer summat over sumfink.

Cheshire - moonriverandme last time I looked that was part of the North.

It's a word I use.

And anyway, being disrespectful to anyfucker should be against talk guidelines imho

Plus moonriverandme my Bachelors and Masters came from my time in Yorkshire.

I'm taking it as a compliment

< starts practising chinese burns >

Wow < head tilt > and < starts practising chinese burns > however Chinese has a BIG C BTW.

ahem

*DrMorbius Mon 07-Sep-15 10:51:03

AF - you may have an extraordinary powers of duduction*

Glass houses and that.

Any fucker, I've just finished my night shift and am a tad " spaced out"..I have always wondered if you were Nina Miskow ( Mishcoff)?? Do you don a cerise Blackpool landlady jacket?

Please don't shatter my illusions ( delusions).

I hated you with a passion in the early days, but now I'm all yours pink lady.

You are doing really well. What kind of plank moves in with a woman and her children leke this? And wtf kind of woman lets him! It's got disaster written all over it. There is no way my children would be going there either!

That's, erm, good to know chilli

Ahem back to the OP.

I hope today brings better thoughts for you.

There's another thread with a lady who's husband has also left after 26 years for a work colleague. You might want to look her up for a bit of mutual support. I when she described his piles and gingivitis, and he has apparently taken up yoga.

other thread

I have to agree with the posters who say that he's probably been seeing her for a couple of years, since the relationship really started to deteriorate.

So he's usually an honest person, well many are until they have affairs. He may have more invested, therefore, in maintaining the appearance of integrity, not just to you but also his family and friends.

Given how quickly he moved in, it's much more likely to have been going on a while.

You will never know. But get a std test just encase.

I say summat and I live in lancashire, was brought up in cheshire and we said it there, too.
The fur coat and no knickers brigade from Cheshire wouldn't say summat though. Is that your dw MrMorbius

OP, get a test. I'm sorry but it sounds like the sex was so good because he'd been elsewhere.
You are holding yourself together so well

I knew a guy who did this after a 25+ marriage. And I'm sorry to say, they've gone the distance (sorry). Everybody else was shocked out of our pants - not least the wife. Same situ as yours, they'd reached the end of the road.

But I'm sorry, something just wasnt right about that situ - and something's not right about yours. It's not adding up. How can someone jump ship like that? What does it say about how he views both women. Or perhaps women in general...

You made him drink and take drugs huh. Riiight. He is brutally honest and has said some difficult things in his brutal honesty. Hmmm. So, is he as brutally honest about himself and his faults?

He's having sex with you all summer then moves in lock, stock with someone else at the end of it? This just isn't adding up. Something isn't right here.