Rage is Driving me Crazy

[Notasinglefuckwasgiven]

I've posted on another thread about my emotional problems and depression. I'm feeling much better now except for one huge issue.
After a few nightmares, I'm sick with rage at husband no.1. I am so fucking angry with him and can't stop the barrage of memories now of him belittling me, calling me stupid, swearing and insulting me in company, while I just sat there! He ruined my late teens and early twenties! Why am I tortured by this now? My DP is wonderful so why am I literally vomiting with rage at this bastard I haven't seen in years? How do I get past this?

Its your depression. You are probably very anxious with it too. See the doctor and ask if you can have something to help with the anxiety. The doctor would prescribe me beta blockers but cant as im asthmatic.
I keep getting periods of rage over something that has happened then it goes away a bit.
Have you tried CBT? But certainly see your doctor as I think its linked to anxiety and there are things they can do to help. Take care. I really get where you are coming from.

I have suffered anxiety but thought I had control of it. I have another appointment coming up. It seemed so stupid I didn't want to mention it. I will though.

This may be a case of misplaced anger as it could be yourself you're angry with; the younger you sat there and took the belittling and verbal abuse he perpetrated on you without retaliating or walking out as, hopefully, you would do now if you found yourself in a similar situation.

The contrast between your lovely dp and the abusive tosser you married has most probably contributed to your anger because it's become even clearer that you invested your late and early 20's in a bank that was never going to pay dividends, or repay your money, and part of you may be wishing that you'd met dp back then instead of the fuckwit.

We're not our thoughts and there's no reason why you should allow them to control you. Set aside, say, half an hour a day where you revist the past, re-live the hurt, vent your anger on a cushion, or fantasise about putting his balls in a vice and slowly turning the screw, and reject any similar thoughts that intrude at other times by telling them to come back at the appointed hour and immediately replace them with more pleasing or turn your attention to a physical task that needs doing/completing which will serve to distract you from dwelling on unhappier times.

It is what it is. The past is done and gone and you're best advised to learn whatever lessons you can from it and make your todays and tomorrows the best they can be - and you won't be able to do that if you allow the shadow of an abusive tosser to cloud the sunny life you have with your dp.

goddess that was beautiful. You're right it's consuming me and I hate myself back then. I was so weak. I do need to vent. I also need to enjoy the wonderful relationship I have now. I've been so snappy with him. I will make tonight the night I draw a line under that arsehole.

Whether it's past, present, or future, don't hate any part of yourself or any part of your life, honey, as even the bits you don't like have value because they serve to highlight and enhance the parts you find pleasing.

Drawing a line under the past can be that simple - just don't cross back over it unless you are looking to remind yourself of the wisdom you have accumulated through experience.

When it comes to the abusive tosser you misguidedly married, live up to your name