This is long ....
I met my now exp on a night out, some of my friends new him and he seemed on the surface to be my perfect match, if that exists.
Wwe started dating and all seemed well, then he seemed to become disinterested and I accepted this plodded along with my studies and job. He then warmed up to me again, he blamed work and I settled back into seeing him once a week or so.
As time went on his hot and cold actions grew, he'd go weeks without contacting me or answering my calls, I had never met his parents or family and it all seemed like he was interested.
He would lie to me constantly about what he was doing and where he was, take holiday from work and spend it doing things with others and generally just pick me up when he felt the need to. I didn't have the strength to let go so I kind of accepted it.
I then became pregnant which wasn't planned, he wanted to get rid of it and at first I agreed, but in the end I just couldn't, it didn't sit right with me so I kept the baby and didn't pressure him into anything, he seemed to come round and was the perfect partner, for the most part. We moved in together and due to the nature of his long hours I spent a lot of time back at my parents etc whilst prepapring for the baby, I also worked over 60 hours a week up until the week before is as due, he would go on nights out and a few days before baby was born I stayed at my parents as had been for a day out with them, he text to say he was going to bed early. He was actually at a strip club!
Our baby was born and all was well, he settles down and we had for the most part a perfect family life.
Our second baby came along not long after and I really struggled with pnd, I felt overwhelmed by it all and drew up into myself, I was still doing all the childcare and returned to work six months later four mornings a week. It was hard and he slowly seemed less interested, always blamed his job.
We moved for his job when the children were 2 and 1 , I was having to commute an hour to work at 4 am every morning and still do all the nights, childcare household jobs, take the care for mot , everything basically.
We did everything for and around him.
Fast forward to last year and I felt run down and warn, I had managed to get a job transfer closer to us but he still wasn't willingly helping around the house, I understood he worked full time but rather than putting his socks in the wash he'd tuck them under the sofa, leave half eaten food in the living room and things like that which is just disgusting.
We of course argued over it, being a working mum and being left to do everything is hard.
At the end of last year he became distant, I thought it was pressure as he had decided to go self employed at the beginning of this year and the financial implication was huge, so I wrote it off. He got worse though, staying later at work, constantly not he phone and just short tempered. In the end I couldn't take anymore, asked what was wrong and we argued , he told me he didn't love me anymore and wanted to be more than just a father.
It transpired he'd been seeing a married woman who was also leaving her partner for him.
It's been near on a year now, and I am free of dirty socks, I'm free of the dictation of his job but I can't free myself of the hurt he has caused me and it is eating away at me daily.
Were back on our feet nice little home, job and schools but part of me wants him to be slapped in the face by a wet fish and regret messing me and his children around.
It's been hard and he got nasty and even more selfish, he watched me destroy myself and made us homeless, he didn't lose sleep and neither did she.
I am no angel but I wasn't mean, nasty or hateful towards him.
Were graced with his presence twice a month, he is all sweetness and light, can't do enough for us, offering to spend time together, offering help around the house, asking if we need money etc. Hinting at expensive birthday grift she can buy from the children for me.
Tell me one day I will be able to look back and just think you silly cow for being so hung up on that arse... And perhaps he'll one day think I had it all.