End of 44 year Friendship

[oasiswaterpool]

I met my friend at primary school when we were both 4 years old some 44 years ago. We have always been good friends though since adulthood have not lived near each other but would see each other a couple of times a year and phone/email etc regularly. On Facebook 2 days ago I ended up in an argument with her concerning Syrian refugees. Other people got involved and I am ashamed to say it went on until last night. I had a different opinion to her and she bombarded me with videos, new reports etc to get me to take her point of view which I didn't. She has now accused me of racism and our easygoing relationship has disintergrated into an untenable one. I can't believe it. Can it really mean if I don't agree with her our 44 year old relationship ends..

You are right of course Mintyy it is hard with one side of the story and I am not proud of myself I should have walked away. I don't even use Facebook often ordinarily but I just felt that I was entitled to an opinion as well and the more she said you don't understand the more I dug my heels in. We both need to grow up..

Can I strongly advise that you lock down your security settings, delete your posts in this Facebook exchange and be far more cautious about what you post on Facebook in the future? I do think it is rather naive to get involved in such a public heated debate given that you are going through the adoption process and does show a lack of judgement on your part.

I agree Facebook is for sharing videos of quirky cats not highly emotionally charged, political views!

You are right cuntycowfacemonkey am closing Facebook account have never been very interested tbh and was a stupid thing to do in the first place getting involved with an argument. I don't usually argue with any of my friends and let my guard down. She is usually a great girl and I guess she did too.

I think that is a wise move. I wish you all the best with your adoption journey

Just say nothing more for a few weeks.

Then I would call her.

If you leave a message, just say that you hope you two can still be friends, that she means a lot to you and that good friends are allowed to disagree.

It's true the keyboard can lead to huge rows that otherwise wouldn't have happened!

I hope you keep schtum if she sends you more emails that could provoke more rows.

It would be such a terrible shame to lose this friendship.

Our sw visited all our referees after the written reference or spoke to them at length on the phone. If your sw is planning to do this you will need to either change referee (though I'm not sure you could at this stage) or find a way to make it ok with your friend until you are approved. Good luck.

Yes winkywinkola I will definitely be keeping silent for a good long while and will not rise to any further provocation. My husband and her husband both text each other re: sports etc and on hearing about me being accused of racism he was horrified and quite upset. He texted her husband and said it was a shame after being friends for so long that things had taken this turn. He asked why she was taking things so far. No reply has been received from her husband and i'm certainly not getting involved in that one!!!

Emotions are running so high about the refugee crisis that I think if one of my friends were to say that they didn't think Britain should help the refugees or allow more in, I would feel very disconnected from them, immediately. I wouldn't sever the friendship but it would give me pause.

There are some friends that I will never feel the same about after some recent Facebook posts regarding the refugees

I won't get involved in any Facebook arguments but the lack of sympathy and the level of vitriol directed at the refugees has totally shocked me. I hope that none of the refugees end up here because it won't be nice for them!

Been there over something more divisive regarding the Scottish referendum so i can relate, just leave it a few days You don't have to apologise for having a differing viewpoint agree to disagree and make an effort not to let it creep into the conversation but i do feel she is the one who over stepped the mark by calling you a racist and bombarding you with unwelcome material

don't know if this will help you not to take your friend's statement re racism too personally- but here goes- most blacks IMO believe that most whites are racist. Having said that - and waiting for a barrage of attacks- it would be a shame if you cannot use this accusation as a basis for asking why she says this,as you do not wish to be racist and you do not want to lose her friendship. Hopefully she will respond. For now, respect her wishes and keep stum. Let her make the first move .

"most blacks IMO believe that most whites are racist."

No barrage of attack here, armami, but isn't that the kind of generalised sentence that perpetuates racism in the first place? You've claimed to know the thoughts of most black people in the world....I'm sure you don't even know 0.001% of black people in the world, so how can that have any basis in fact?

"Tbh that was a bit of a stupid and heartless thing to say in the face of the tragic pictures of 2 dead kids washing up on a beach, and if that is your most pressing concern on seeing those pictures, then I can see why she doesn't want to be a reference for you adopting or be your friend."

Really? She doesn't have the same knee jerk reaction to a picture when debating a complex issue as you so she's heartless and not worthy of adoption?

The UN estimates 10,000 Syrian kids have died so far. Other (non-eu) countries are heaving with refugees. It is a complex problem that's been going on for years.

I've got in a row about it as well. I however was on the other side of the fence
????

I cried when I saw that child washed up on the beach in Turkey. I cried when I saw those people tied to the railway line. I just said I was concerned if thousands of people came into our country at once nothing more nothing less.

Its the constant competition on Facebook about who is the most affected by what is happening that annoyed me. We should be affected by what has happened it's called humanity but do we have to advertise it.

just reading the thread' would you take refugees into your home?' Maybe send a link to your friend who likes to throw around the word racist.

I'd delete anyone who got refugees mixed up with economic migrants or any shit from Britain First or any of those twats.

Other stuff too. There are certain things that go way beyond the usual agree to disagree.

Tbh I would apologise profusely and delete Facebook.

Save telling her exactly what you think until after the adoption goes through.

Two faced, yes. But i should imagine The adoption reference is too important to lose.

I'm going to agree with Toffee. Placate your friend, tell you are sorry about the argument, that you are reading more on the subject, whatever. Allow your adoption to go through.

I think the discussion regarding the refugees is not so very black and white. I have changed my mind, thought more about the issue, through dialogue with real life friends, associates (my general stance is let everyone come here), but it really is too complex to discuss via a keyboard. Keyboard conversation tends to be a series of monologues, not discussion. IMO.