I need some light in this darkness

[eternallflame]

42, male, having therapy for depression, single., stressful job, namechanged. I think that about covers it. I would like some honest answers. Would you date a man who had just come out of this? I can't feel too much lower than I do now so just say no if that is the case. I have a long hard lonely road to travel before I even think about sharing my life with someone. Let me know please.

With the proviso that he had made/was making the necessary changes to his lifestyle to guard against relapse, I would date a guy who had just come out of depresssion but why are you asking if you believe that you've got "a long hard lonely road to travel" before you can think about sharing your life with someone?

Yes I would.
I have been low myself after my divorce and suffered with depression.
I judge people how I find them.
Stay positive.

I think you need to get through your depression before you start dating to be honest . It needs to become the past - not the present . Does that make sense ! I would be very wary of someone that mentioned it when we started dating . NOT that mental illness is an issue - hell no we all stand a high chance if experiencing it . But personally I would be wary of getting dragged down. Work In yourself and get yourself stronger

there is always hope. you will meet someone at the right time.
look forward, take each day at a time.

Get well, then think about dating.

I don't think this will be the issue you think it will. A lot of people you meet will have had similar experiences. Focus on yourself for now, but there is a future for you relationship-wise if that's what you want.

The last person I dated was in therapy and he is a fantastic man. It wouldn't put me off at all, unless there were other issues such as unreliability or anger.

This made me feel sad reading this. I understand how you feel. All I can say to you which is what I have to say to myself is that, things have to improve and things will get better. Of course you will find someone who will love you for who you are, you just need to learn to love yourself. X

Depends, muchly on whether the are a nice person to be with or not. Do we gel? Have the same interests? Do they shout at waiting staff etc?

All the rest is just frippery. If they are for me, then i would not be worried about the things you mentioned in the OP.

If I fancied you and the chemistry was there then yes, most likely I'd date you.

However I'd need you to have some enjoyment in life, some get up and go otherwise I'd feel pulled down into your issues.

I'd also want to feel valued and loved, not just because I was making you feel better about yourself.

The depression itself wouldn't bother me. How you dealt with the depression could.

As long as I wasn't expected to be your crutch. Yes.

As long as you didn't have other issues. Yes

As long as I didn't see you feeling sorry for yourself day after day. Yes

As long as you showed enthusiasm in my being with you. Yes

As long asyoumade every possible effort you could to keep climbing that ladder out of the dark pit . Yes

In other words Op depression would not be a deal breaker for me but how you handled it if you handle it badly would be.

Wanting to slop about undressed, unwashed,unkempt would be a definite no no! ( m not saying you do thatbtw just giving an example)

Oh had been through some really bad stuff when we met as i had but he was up and out to work every day. House was clean, so was he. He cooked for himself. Took little breaks away etc

So, yes it canbe done. Good luck .

I think you are being very open and honest. Ive lived with depressive illnesses all my adult life. 95% of the time plus Im fine but during the very low times often people still don't know as Im good at hiding it. So Im presuming from what you are saying if you met someone you would want to be open with them about your depression?
There are lots of people that would date you in answer to your question but like you say, maybe you need to give yourself more time.

Well done for getting therapy and being so open about your depression. Honestly, I wouldn't date you, but that's due to previous experiences of two partners with depression, but I'm not everyone. Good luck.

Thank you for your answers. Depression is a horrible illness. I know what you say about giving it time but I just hate the way this is stealing my life away, waiting for this everlasting night to end

Where there is night day follows, hold on you will get through this, you are getting through it.

What are you doing to make the dawn come sooner rather than later? Are you taking anti-depressants, engaging in some form of therapy, endeavouring to alleviate the stress of your job?

Have you asked your GP for a blood test to determine whether you have any vitamin or other deficiences? Do you exercise at least 3 times a week? Do you eat healthy meals, drink plenty of water, and avoid alcohol? Do you have any hobbies that you pursue in the company of other people?

I tried.anti depressants twice but they were awful so I stopped. I just started therapy which is hard due to my working hours but I will.persist. I eat fairly healthily and exercise when I can. I don't currently have time.for hobbies as I'm working 70 hours per week. It is just so so so hard, there is a war going on in my head all the time and I don't know if it will ever end.

you might want to change antis OP

it does sounds like you have got this pretty bad- and whilst therapy and action is the best answer sometimes you need a chemical helping hand

good for you for owning it, and handling it XX