I have posted about DSis and her partner under another name before. She has been in an emotionally and financially abusive relationship for the past 17 years (some suspicion about physically too but no evidence). I have tried hard to help her but the general consensus when I have posted before has been about her needing to get out of the relationship on her own accord (this point was also backed up when I have contacted Women's Aid.)
My recent concern comes for the children though. She has four kids, aged between 2 and 15. Usually, despite all of her relationship issues she manages to shield the children as much as is possible. Of course they pick up on everything and her DP is useless with them, but she has always put their needs first. Recently however that has changed. I can't be too specific as I don't want to out myself, but she has been behaving very selfishly over the last few months. The choices she has been making have a serious negative impact on the children and they don't seem to benefit DSis either, but always seem to be for her DP's sake.
I have tried talking to her about some of these things but she becomes very defensive and completely shuts me off. The older children have made it clear to me that they are unhappy with some of the things that have been happening but don't really say much to DSis and wouldn't dare mention it to BIL.
DM is very concerned too but has become a bit of an enabler. She thinks that helping DSis out with the selfish choices she is making will stop her from shutting herself away from us (which she has done for long periods of time in the past) but at the same time DM helping her is pushing her further down the spiral.
I don't want to say or do anything that will push DSis away but feel I need to help the children out in some way.
Is there anything I can do?