Best friends 'DH' been having an affair with my other friend.

[rosepepper2010]

I have just found out my best friends DH (who i am also close to) has been having an affair with another friend of mine.

The reason I am so concerned for my DF is because he has completely lied to her about it and basically called my other friend a stalker.

Now she won't listen to any reason and seems to think he is some sort of god who can walk on water. Totally blaming my other friend as some sort of nutter/whore.

Meanwhile claiming it was the best thing that ever happened and they have never been closer or had more sex. It's excruciating to watch!!!

I know through my DH he has had at least one affair before but DF knows nothing of this.

He has totally blamed my other friend for this affair and is more or less denying it and she is believing him.

Should I make it clear to my DF he is a liar? She doesn't seem to want to hear it though?

No, best not to say anything. She doesn't sound ready to hear it.

Just be there for your friend when she does realise/ find out.

it depends if you want to stay friends with her or not, sounds like if you attempt to tell her the truth right now it will be a case of shoot the messenger. her dh will just tell her you're crazy too.

stand back, the truth will come out eventually, karma is a bitch, but be there for her when she needs support.

I wouldn't say anything, as you said, she doesn't want to hear it and is convincing herself via hysterical bonding.

Don't say anything to her. I agree that she's going through hysterical bonding. But when you get a chance, quietly say to her husband that you know the truth. Quietly, no fuss.

Then leave all three of them to it. Distance yourself.

Even a sane woman wouldn't believe that a crazy stalker could compel a decent man to have sex outside his marriage against his will. But perhaps this best friend isn't ready to see sense yet.

I'd be minded to admit that quite a few people know that it's not the first time he's betrayed her and leave it at that.

HOWEVER you must be prepared to suffer a complete fall-out over it and become a pariah to all of them.

I would stay out of it. If she is in the faze of not wanting to know then she wont believe you.

Its probably not relevant but did your other friend know that he was married?

I can't tell her about the previous affair because my DH would kill me for betraying his confidence.

My friend (the one who had the affair) is admitting they were close but denies a full blown affair but says she finished it quite a few months ago. She just wants to forget it although she admits she was in the wrong.

He is just totally denying it all even though my friend even found a room key for a hotel - Seriously what innocent explanation can there be?

He is making both my friends look stupid.

Even a sane woman wouldn't believe that a crazy stalker could compel a decent man to have sex outside his marriage against his will.

Betrayed wives believe this all the time. Often it's how they justify to themselves why they haven't LTB.

I'd stay out of it, OP. Unless you're asked a direct question.

I agree with turnip, the hysterical bonding has led her to believe that finding out about it has made their sex life/relationship better.

When the hysterical bonding stage has finished she might be more likely to listen to you and will definitely need your support if and when it all comes crashing down.

Hysterical bonding won't last forever. Bide your time and be there for her when that's over, rather than say something now and risk having her cut you off long-term.

Does this stage ever lead to anything better? Could it be he has learnt his lesson?

Nope sorry. All will be well until the next time he chooses to have an affair

It could only lead to something better if he completely owned his actions and behaviour and admitted his fault in the affair. The fact that he's allowing his wife to debase herself through hysterical bonding and allowing her to throw herself at his feet only shows that he's a duplicitous bastard.

That said, I'd stay out of it, she's clearly not going to thank you for pointing out the obvious at this stage, as it will force her to face some uncomfortable truths. She will face these in time, there's nothing she can do about that, but clearly she's not ready now.

Stay out of it. My dd lost a friend when she told her that said friend's fiancé had tried to rape her. Her friend went on to marry the bastard and totally cut my dd.