Not sure how to feel about this

[SlowlyGoingINSAINIA]

About 7 years ago I was repeatedly sexully assaulted by a friend and house mate of my DH (well, DH was just my boyfriend at the time). I never reported it and the guy moved to a different country a couple of months later.
Today my DH told me that the guy has skin cancer and has a 50/50 chance of survival. It was DH best friend who told DH the news.

I'm not sure how to feel about it, I don't want to rejoice in anyone's suffering but I can't help feeling a little glad about it, I then feel crap for thinking that way.

So, any wise words at all? Is it OK to feel a little glad? I think DH expects me to be a little sad about it but I just can't.

Why the hell does your dh expect you to feel sad about it? Doesn't he know what happened?

Don't feel bad about how you feel. A horrific thing is happening to a horrific person. You certainly don't have to feel sadness at all so don't put any pressure on yourself.

It's a bit taboo really, to admit you are a little bit glad he is suffering, but I understand your reaction and I don't blame you. I would probably feel the same.

Sorry about what you have suffered but I'm curious to know:
Why did you keep quiet the first time you were sexually assaulted?
Why did you let it continue?
Why have you never told your DH?
Have you told anyone?

I think DH expects me to feel a little sad but I could just be misreading him iykwim.

Thanks for not thinking I'm terrible for feeling that way.

My DH knows, I told him at the time. II tried to stop it. It's hard to explain what happened.

Why the interrogation rouxle ? What difference does it make to OP's question?

A lot of women don't report sexual assault.

I tried to stop it*

But if your dh knows this guy sexually assaulted you, why the hell would he expect you to feel sorry? If someone had assaulted me, and dh knew him, he would want to kill him himself.

And of course you're not crap for feeling like that. I would too.

'Why did you let it continue?'

Crikey Rouxie, sounds a bit blaming.

Omg no, not terrible at all. It always amazes me the way really horrible people are talked about in terms of hushed reverence if they become seriously ill.

I don't really wish to discuss DH, I just wanted some advice on how I'm feeling.

It seems the thread was a mistake so I shall just leave it now.

Thankyou.

I doubt this man felt 'a little sad' when he was repeatedly assaulting you - and those were events that he had complete control over. Why should you feel sad about something that has happened to him? Something that you did not cause or contribute to in any way.

I think your feelings are perfectly understandable.

Hello OP, you may not read this, but don't worry if you feel like going and laughing in his face at the moment. As a survivor myself I felt like that at first too.

Yanbu. I'm sorry this happened to you and that that you are having to think about it again.

Sorry if it soundsike a beartless i terrogation. I'm on my & phone & slow typing so trying to be brief. Not meaning to accuse just tryi g to understand

Hi OP,

I thought "good, I hope he is fucking miserable and suffering and I can't wait to dance on his grave" when I found out my former stepdad had become ill. He was a disgusting man who did horrible things.

There is always pressure to be forgiving and whatnot, and people try to say "oh but they're not all bad, they don't deserve what they are going through". But if someone has been nothing but bad to you, you have every right to give zero fucks when they fall on misfortune.

I'm sorry your husband is not supportive.

I'm sorry for those who have suffered similar , I appreciate you taking the time to respond.

It seems it normal to feel like this, I think I'll try not to dwell to much on it, was just a bit unexpected.

Totally OP, feel it, acknowledge it and move on xxx????

Thanks daisee

Perfectly normal to feel how you do.
Not at all normal for your husband to expect you to feel sad. You said you told your husband at the time. Was he involved? Are you safe?

I'm perfectly safe

I don't think you should feel sad.

The idea that horrible people cease to be horrible just because they are (possibly) dying is ridiculous. I can think of a couple - only a couple - of people I would be delighted to hear bad news about.

I guess there's an idea that because death is the common suffering of humanity, you should feel a touch of pity whenever you see it - maybe that is why you feel you should be feeling sad?

But it doesn't make him any less of an awful person. I think your feelings are not only reasonable but healthy.

I am another one slightly wondering about your DH's involvement with this, but I know this kind of thing is never straightforward and telling him at about it even at the time may have been difficult. Or something like that. I presume you know what you're doing. Hope you're ok.

Well, I don't even know him and my reaction was "serve the fucker right". Shoot me.
I suppose for your own emotional well being it would be good if you had no feelings about it.
But I certainly don't think you should worry about feeling guilty!
And don't think abnormal for thinking this way - there's a reason the Germans have the word 'schadenfreude' that we have to borrow!