Anyone elses mum still hopelessly single? Do you feel obliged and resentful because of it?

[KaySamuels]

The title says it all really I am eldest of 3 girls and me and my 'middle' sister see a LOT of my mum. She has been single (a few dates but nothing serious) since she split up with my dad over ten years ago. We have always felt like we are propping her up really and find her very draining. So much so my younest sister (being the only one left at home) got pregnant at fourteen so she could move out!!

She is depressed and also very childish at times, for example her house is full of toys she was meant to distribute to her four grandchildren but has kept.?! Or she will bring up our father knowing we find it upsetting and have put the past behind us. We have all told her this. She has been to counselling but 'doesn't like it' - 'its not the same talking to a stranger'.

Is anyone else in this situation it is driving me crazy!!!

Just wish I had a reliable mum and dad, some days I feel like I am grieving about it {sad} even though they are both alive just hard work (mum) or dangerous (dad).

My mum is hopelessly single since my dad left 15years ago. She hasn't dated anyone or wanted to for that matter. She was with dad for nearly 30years when he left.

I would say that up to probaly the last five years she would have still had him back even though he left her for someone the same age as my brother. it has taken her this long to get over him. Now she is very independant and is content with her life as it is.

Is it possible for you and your sister to take a step back to allow her to stand on her owsn feet.

I see her maybe once a fortnight and my sister usually sees her once a week, we try never to go more than this for that reason and have had to gradually wean it down to these times. Also we usually go together for support!

She sees her mum a little too much too, which means she is stuck in a rut there in terms of socialising.

She wouldn't have my dad back but just rakes the past up as she has nothing going on now IYSWIM

she doesn't need a man she needs a life. my mum has been single for about 15 years, she does loads of stuff. I don't feel a need to find her some random bloke just for the sake of it

send her on a course or something

mums go batty and odd whether they're single or not

Would it be possible to join some sort of activity with her (if she won't go on her own) to encourage her to get out and meet new people? Your local paper probably has a "What's On' column or the library might have notices.

Or maybe you could give her a course of lessons in something (salsa, painting, swimming whatever) for christmas. It sounds like she needs to broaden her horizons but may need a bit of initial support to do that.

yes I agree capuccino - she would be hopeless in a relationship anyway (plus she is in secretly in love with her boss). She is very nervy if she goes out with friends (which is rare) she ends up with D+V, might suggest a course to her tho think it would do her good.

can't really afford to buy lessons for her willandsamsmum in my current situation but am gonna have a thorough search for her and try and find a few interesting options that might appeal to her.

I hear you . My mum's been single since she divorced my dad thirty years ago. It's sad, as there's bitterness there, and nothing can lift it. I'd agree with other posters: if your mum can get out and about, and do a bit of flirting, it'll help her in lots of different ways: mood, self-esteem, view of her own life story.

My mum has been single since I was conceived (42 yrs ago). She is fiercely independant and spends a lot of time travelling.

Thanks, good to know its not just me... she just needs a kick up the bum really me thinks! Might suggest it as a new years resolution thing for her to get out more that way I can do it as a time of year conversation without being too obvious.

My mum has been single since my dad left about 11 years ago and emotionally is very draining. She's very independent, travels a lot etc, but she continually gets into scrapes/gets ripped off/taken advantage of etc, and puts any stress she is feeling on to us. I alternate between longing for her to be happy and despairing that she ever will be. I love her but at the same time I get SO angry with her and shout and get impatient and then feel bad. I know that my low self-esteem stems from her and feel angry at her for that, but I know that my dad hurt her deeply and she has never really recovered. I am slowly realising that she will never completely be able to live her own life, and that I will always feel constricted and restricted as a result. 'Batty' is the right word, and I worry that I will become her!