Dh stormed out 2 hours ago

[superspamiam]

Not quite sure what to do. This afternoon i clipped my dh round the head whilst demonstrated what i did to my son last week, its hard to explain but i was telling him how i lost my temper. I demonstrated a bit too hard (quite a bit more than the gentle tap i gave my ds). He flipped out and threw a glass of drink at me and stormed out.
I am seeing gp next week as I am struggling to cope at the moment. I have been losing my temper with the children and I'm ashamed to say I clipped my son round the head in a temper. Not hard but obviously unforgivable. I am seeking help and have started reading a parenting book to try to get myself on track. Kids are not in danger from me but I do need to find a better strategy to deal with my temper. I have never been an angry person at all I don't know what's wrong with me.
For now though dh has just gone and is incontactable.

He probably threw the glass of drink at you to prevent himself from doing anything more. He's likely angry that you hurt DS and then in pain because you hit his head. It is sometimes an automatic response to turn around and hit someone straight back when they have just hurt you, he didn't want to do that so threw the water and left until he calmed down.

You need to be calm and talk to him and you also need to make sure you do sort your anger issues, it is not right to take out your anger on your child

Did he ask you to demonstrate on him?

I think your dh did a really sensible thing in walking out.

You were wrong to hit him. He was wrong to react by throwing a glass at you. I hope you know that.

What I don't understand is why you were demonstrating this in the first place. Could you not just explain? Did he want you to demonstrate?

I think its possible that he may think you hit your ds as hard as you hit him.

No he didn't Maud. Prior to this he shouted quite nastily at ds which I felt was unjustified. I was angry at him but didn't realise how angry until I was so heavy handed. We've had a rough couple of years, dh has mental health problems and my ds displays some extremely challenging behaviour on a daily basis. He's only 4. It's not much fun in this house sometimes.

Just to clarify... Did he throw the drink at you whilst holding onto the glass or did he actually throw the glass at you? Both are wrong but one is far, far worse than the other both in my book and in the eyes if the law.

So he didn't ask you to 'demonstrate' on him, you just decided to anyway?

Sounds like you assaulted your husband to me.

No just the drink inside in, not the glass! No that would have been so much worse.

Your DS might display some challenging behaviour, but you and your DH don't sound much better. I just find the whole scenario extremely odd.

So you hit him without him asking you to?

When he comes back, you both need to have a conversation about this and you need to apologise to him and make sure it doesn't happen again.

He should apologise for throwing the drink as well

Well its hard to explain the context of the demonstration. We were having a conversation about ds behaviour today. Dh was arguing with me about about me reading a parenting book telling me there was no point. I was trying to get across to him how stressed I was an how I need to get some help so I showed him how bad I had behaved towards dh. I didn't mean to actually do it that hard. To clarify it was more annoying than injury causing to dh I think. Like I said though, things are a bit difficult here at times.

Has it occurred to you that in exhibiting 'challenging behaviour' your 4 yo is merely reflecting the behaviour of his dps?

It very much sounds as if you would all benefit from family therapy asap because, no matter how challenging they may be, there is NEVER reason to strike a child nor any reason whatsoever to demonstrate how hard you hit them on another party unless, of course, it gives you satisfaction to do so.

When you see your GP I would suggest you ask for a blood test to determine your current hormone levels and an urgent referral to a child pyschologist for your ds.

I also suggest you make contact with your nearest Sure Start centre as a matter of urgency.

Please don't fool yourself that your dc are not in danger from you as you've freely admitted you can't control your temper and have already resorted to hitting your 4 yo.

Firstly, I'm sorry to hear that you have been having problems and it's good that you are seeking help, it's a big step. That being said I think you are out of order to do that (I'm not going to give you my opinion on raising your own children) but there so no need to act out what you did, simply explaining I'm sure would be fine. If someone did that to me when I wasn't expecting it I don't know what my reaction would be- but I wouldn't be laughing.
I think you and your husband need a serious talk, you need to say sorry at least.

As a complement to all the other help you are seeking, OP, I recommend you start taking a course of vitamin B complex, it really is helpful against stress. It takes about three weeks to feel the effects.

Some good advice from goddess.

What sort of mental health problems does your H have? Does he hit the DC, or you? And did you lash out at people before you married your H/before you had DC? If you've got a household where everyone hits everyone else then outside intervention (such as family therapy) is needed. If the hitting started with one person and has spread throughout the family then perhaps that one person needs to seek anger management strategy or leave.

You assaulted your son and then your DP????????????????

Dh has bipolar 2 which is well managed. He's next to me now on the sofa. We have both apologised for our behaviour. No he has never hit me or children. I think a lot of people must have been "assaulted" by their parents at some point according to some people on here. I think a large amount of parents would admit to the odd smack or lack of control. The main thing is to recognise its a problem and seek help asap which is what I am doing.

Hitting your child across the back of the head is assault. Not akin to a smack. Your minimising of it is part of the problem.

How can the op be minimising it? She has already said she is seeking help . Op I really hope you manage to find a way through so that your family can be a calmer and happier one.

That's a pretty flippant comment to make "I think a lot of people must have been assaulted by their parents at some point"
No, just a lot of people disagree with smacking a small child over the back of the head

You've admitted your actions are wrong and seeking the help so that's the first step. I think your ds also needs some help and support as his challenging behaviour most probably be due to what's going on at home. He's only 4yo op, a baby still so he's not being naughty just probably stressed out and reacting. Good luck.

So today you have hit your husband and son, I'm not surprised your dh threw a drink at you he was probably shocked!

Well Op, you do seem to be minimizing now. Back in the day when we thought nothing of smacking our children, even when caning was allowed in schools, hitting children on the head was totally forbidden because it is bloody dangerous.

You may have apologised to each other for your behaviour, but have either of you apologised to your 4yo ds for shouting at him and hitting him round the head and have you assured him that it won't happen again?

If your ds exhibits 'challenging' behaviour at school, and/or if he discloses that he is being verbally and physically abused at home, you will no doubt come under scrutiny from Social Services and you are therefore best advised to seek professional help now.

yes, that's true. if yours mentions to school/nursery that you hit him across the head then you will be reported.