Ok it's a long one (sorry). 3 years ago after 10 years my husband left me for another woman when I was 8 months pregnant. Our eldest was just 5 at the time and his pain plus mine was unbearable. Fast forward a few months and I was starting to get my ducks in a row, getting my independence, going on dates and starting to like my life again after being unhappily married for so long, when my best friend introduced me to her Bil. He was wonderful kind, loving and considerate everything my ex was lacking I couldn't believe my luck he was besotted with me and my children and we threw ourselves into building a family together.
One sticking point was an ex gf of his who wasn't happy with him settling down as they had split due to his lack of commitment. She would regularly text saying she wanted him back, he was always very open and would show me the messages and his replies but in the end I had enough of his pussyfooting around and gave him the option to leave and reconcile with ex or go non contact - at this point I wasn't overly invested and was quite calm. He said he wanted us to be a family and was just trying to be kind to his ex. Everyone that knew him said what an honest guy he was that he was in love with me and his ex was long gone blah blah so we got on with life until after the birth of our daughter when I discovered messages between them initiated by her nothing too incriminating but a trip down memory lane. This was too much for me with my past and the fact I'd just given birth so I packed his bags and off he went. A week of grovelling about what a stupid mistake it was and there was nothing in it I decided to let him back home for the sake of the children but my self esteem has been on the floor ever since I have been having cbt , enrolled in college and on anti depressants basically trying to be proactive however we have just had the holiday from hell with my mum where after a family row bf stormed off and proceeded to get storming drunk rolling in about 11pm, he shortly went out and made a phone call returning half an hour later in a foul mood, he woke in the morning in much the same state and didn't apologise until I burst into tears.
I knew in my gut something was off and checked his call log and the call had been deleted. I confronted him and he denied all knowledge. The next day back home I tried to put it out of my mind but ended up searching his phone and sure enough I found emails between him and the ex all relating to a joint debt until one at half 11 on 'drunk night' saying ring me. I kicked him out last night and he was indignant that I should break up the family over a drunken mistake but STILL insisted he never spoke to her on the phone! I genuinely don't think there is an affair but he has crossed a very clear line as he knows I have no tolerance for cheating and he continues to lie. He has sent a message saying he knows there's no coming back but he loves me and all the children very much!! He has just been to collect dd and ds are with my ex and I am just reeling that I have to deal with all this again. In a strong woman who stands no bs but watching my one year old run round the house calling for daddy just crushed me. But there isn't another option is there?