When the sex goes cold .... is it symptomatic of the end?

[CoffeeBreathInAMorning]

I'm wondering if this is a lethal symptom of our relationship coming to an end.

I used to love sex with DP, infact I was the one who normally instigated it.

Thing is with him he's never adventurous. I've asked a few times about different positions, trying different things - even different foreplay and he just doesn't listen. Says I should instigate it if I want it but short of pushing his bloody face between my legs I'm not sure what I can do! I can count the number of times he's given oral on one hand - and then I have a few spare fingers. I've done it to him more but even then he's not that responsive.

Apart from that I used to still enjoy the sex we had. Last few times however it's been awful and I don't know why.

I feel almost annoyed at him when he touches me. It's like I want to shout at him to stop because he's not doing it right. He's heavy handed and robotic. Nothing ever feels sensual, romantic or erotic. It's the same old shit every single time. It's getting to the point where I get annoyed with the way he kisses me. Even that is robotic, repetitive and just irritating.

But then I'm having huge doubts about the entire relationship so - I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced the onset of "cold sex" and did it signify the end of a relationship?

For me yes, me no longer being attracted to ex was one point at which I was beginning to think it's over. He was also crap in bed! I think a serious discussion needs to be had (not focussing on the sex but the whole relationship but the sex is a symptom). you may need it

IME yes.

Yes. You can't magic the attraction back once it's gone.

For me too, yes

Yes

Ugh. Sorry yes for me it is. I think there's loads of things that you can work on sexwise but if you just don't find him attractive I think that's too fundamental. It's the "ick" when he touches you and you cringe.
But if someone has a way out I'd be interested because previously it's been the end for me.

It always goes at some stage for me. I can never understand how couples say the sex is still good after years of marriage.

Yes. My ex made my flesh crawl.

We revived ours with some frank and v open discussions, and itsbetter than it ever was. I don't suppose that's usual though.

Yep yep yep. And once that attraction has gone, I've never found a way to bring it back.

Life's too short for shit sex with a selfish lazy fool.

coolforthesummer my thoughts exactly. Surely this must happen to so many couples?

You've got to work at it orherwise it goes. During bad times I've found DH very unattractive but we've found a way to get it back through counselling and looking at our needs and fantasies.

I think it's not necessarily the end, but it could only work out if there are other reasons to stay in the relationship.

Everybody goes through rough patches (see my current Lovelife post). I think the feelings you describe are part of a vicious circle that will be very hard to get out of, and only possible with difficult conversations. And unless there is some other glue there to hold you together and make you both work through it then it will probably end it.

I think all long term relationships hit this sort of bump in the road. It's usually symptomatic of other problems and a lack of communication in the broader sense.

DH and I had a period like this OP...we got over it mainly because DH is very fond of good, intimate and amusing sex....and he pushed me to talk and discuss why it had gone off the boil.

I think you need to re connect and then discuss.

So sad that so many people on hear project that because they couldn't get the thoughts and feelings back then it must be that way for everyone.

Luckily there are people posting on here that disprove that. In my case, 23 years together and cycles of good and bad mainly due to my issues although lately a lull because of DHs issue. It'll sort out as it always has and go back to being great. I've never had anyone better and the relationship is good and he means everything to me.

Forever grateful he doesn't think life is too short to waste waiting for me when I've needed him to, I'd certainly never give up on him either.

*sorry about the spelling and typos, I need some sleep!

I knew it was over with my ex when I would urge at the thought of sleeping with him. He was a really nice guy but I just didn't fancy him in the slightest and I couldn't bear the thought of sleeping with him. He is happily married now and I am pleased for him as he is a lovely guy but just not for me.