Most confusing male?

[KayDee81]

Hi everyone, sorry for the long post im just confused.

So my friend gave this guy she knows my number and we texted for a while and arranged to meet up for a night out. We hit it off straight away and I saw him again for the next few weekends, we would go out to the pub then hang out at his and watch a film or something. We texted all day every day after that, then he then said he feels like he?s putting more into it than me and feels like we are just friends and that I should show him more affection (This is three weeks after meeting him lol). To this I replied well youre always busy with work/gym/seeing your friends, so we agreed we would meet up more regularly during the week. Anyway I thought I?d let my guard down a bit and get deeper with him. Then the next week he blows me off and texts me at 10pm saying sorry he knows he messed up he will make it up to me. We then spend the whole weekend together which was really lovely; I thought it was going so well. He always said how much he loves me and could see a future together and always complimenting me. He said we were a great match because we got on so well and because we both earn quite good salaries. So then he then goes out for his friend?s birthday on Friday and practically ignores me all weekend, I asked him if he fancies dinner on the Saturday and he said no because he didn?t feel well, it turns out he went out again partying with his friends. He finally messages me Monday saying he?s not ready for a relationship he wants to go out with his friends all the time so he ended it.

We spoke a little on and off for the next few weeks like general chit chat. Then my friend, who gave him my number, said he messaged her saying he feels bad about what happened between me and him but that it was lust more than love and that he met a new girl at the weekend and he loves her and thinks he?s found his ?soulmate? lol. Anyway I thought he didn?t want a relationship but thought hay ho, he?s moved on. I wake up a few days later to a drunken text off him at 2am saying a joke we always used to laugh at. So I reply the next morning and we have a little chat. Then he texts me at 7pm saying he?s so bored and doesn?t know what to do with himself because he?s not going out. I was in the cinema so didn?t see the message but replied later saying ive been to the cinema why are you not out, which he ignored. I then wake up the next morning to a text and missed call off him at 4:30am. So I text the next morning saying are you okay, why did you ring me, to which he ignores for three days then texts back saying ?did you message me, I didn?t see it? but it was on whatsapp and he was clearly online at the time I sent the message.

I really don?t understand what hes trying to do, I just feel so hurt because he said I didn?t show him enough affection, then when I do he didn?t want to be in a relationship because hes so busy. Then the next minute hes met someone new and found his soulmate?

Does anyone want to offer me advice because my mind is a mess?

He's not that into you.
Delete/block and move on. SO not worth your time. Sorry.

Some people enjoy the thrill of the chase. Some just want to have sec with you.
Some are just arseholes.

He could be any/all of the above.
He's definitely keeping you on the back burner in case it doesn't work out with the "soul mate". Don't be the back up plan. You're worth more than that

He loves you, oh sorry he now loves someone else, do you enjoy being a doormat cos this guy is taking you for one massive ride, get real, and stop engaging with him, he doesn't give a flying fuck and contacts you when he's bored, nothing else.

Sorry to be harsh but you really need to wake up.

Ignore, ignore, ignore! Stood answering his calls and texts. He's moved on but is keeping you on the back burner. Tell him stop bothering you. Don't keep in touch in the hope you two will get back together. Stop doing the pick me dance.

He's not confusing. He's just a bore.

Block and move on.

He's hoping to use you as a booty call when he's drunk. Honestly, block and ignore he's a tosser.

He loves you after three weeks. You don't pay him enough attention. He doesn't love you. He doesn't want to spend time with you. He loves someone else...oh wait, no, maybe he likes you.

Seriously, what a twat. Get rid.

Thanks for all ur messages, i know hes just using me - thing is, i feel like i should be there for him for some reason i dont even know. he had a really shitty upbringing and doesnt speak to his family so think he just craves that presence in his life? He really opened up to me emotionally and said he couldnt speak to anyone else like it before (most likely bollocks, i know) I dont have a clue but i need to tell myself im not there to be his councellor - its just easier said than done.

KayDee81 - Look back at your own childhood, your relationship with your parents and your family dynamics, and I am almost 100% certain you'll then start to understand the reason why you want to be there for him.

So, really, he's messed-up, yes, and it is not worth pursuing a relationship with him.

What is ultimately more valuable, if harder, is pursuing a better, more insightful relationship with yourself, your past, and to change what is obviously no longer working for you.

Good luck

How old is this guy? 14, 15, or younger?

Block him and tell your friend not to give your number to any other guys.

He's a total player. Move on.
You deserve better, love. And I think you know that.

That early on with that much drama?! Oh no, delete and move on.

Sounds like a car crash.
Delete, block and move on.
And get yourself an STI check if you had unprotected sex with him.

I'm with goddess

So he has met and fallen in-and-out of love with two women in three weeks. I don't think he is a player, I think he has the mind of a 14 year old.

Possibly your friend does as well.

Instead of pitying him get angry at the way he thinks it's ok to pick you up and drop you when he feels like it, he told you he loved you yet went out and met another woman and told her the same - I don't know how much clearer it could be to tell you he doesn't give a fuck, that's got sod all to do with his upbringing.

He doesn't see you as a counsellor, he sees you as an easy lay and a convenient listener, when he's bored, of course.

No idea why you are placing such esteem on him but yet such low expectations of yourself.

Re your comment:-
"Thanks for all ur messages, i know hes just using me - thing is, i feel like i should be there for him for some reason i dont even know. he had a really shitty upbringing and doesnt speak to his family so think he just craves that presence in his life?"

You should be there for him?. Why?. You are (as you rightly put) not his counsellor. Gatewalker's comments are worth paying heed to as well, what did you learn about relationships when growing up.

Would suggest you read up on co-dependency because you may well be co-dependent when it comes to relationships. Such damaged men cannot be at all loved better and you will end up feeling a lot worse if you at all try to rescue and or save him from himself.

Delete and block him as of yesterday. Also tell your friend not to give out your number.

Ha oh dear OP please don't get sucked into that bollocks.

are you both 12yo ?

I've been with someone like this, OP.

They make out they r a tortured soul when really they are just an arsehole (see what I did there).

I sent a text to my arsehole "I think u may b confusing me for someone who has no self respect? I don't play games, nor do I get played. Bye bye" n I blocked him.

This guy is not worthy of ur angst, move on.