Mental health/emotional abuse

[AtSea1979]

Wasn't sure whether to put this in mental health or here. Chose here as want more relationship advise than MH.
DP believed he was depressed. I saw no obvious outward signs of this. He's always quite a negative, draining person but we've been getting on much better and I went as far as thinking 'we'd made it' 'living the dream' etc which blew up in my face when I said it to DP who then said he had depression and put himself on anti depressants, since then he's been a nightmare.
Angry, abusive, controlling, paranoid.
I've just thrown him out, I know he had nowhere to go but the past 72 hours have been awful and I don't know what else to do.

Ok, but he hasn't.

What do you want? Given that he is not agreeing to your terms, do you want to continue the relationship on his terms? If not, then it's over and you need to tell him.

His terms are unacceptable to you.
Your terms are unacceptable to him.

However unwell he is, there is no reason for you to accept his abusive and unpleasant behaviour.

Please don't get caught up in the drama of it because, as his previous behaviour and his current messages demonstrate, he's not texting you because he cares deeply for you and your dc.

You're not star crossed lovers and there's no reason whatsoever why you shouldn't live the dream with a loving and caring man you don't have to buy in order to have a relationship with him.

Your dc don't need this, nor do they deserve it. Don't let him into your home again and if he wants his belongings tell him they'll be on the doorstep at a certain time when he can collect them or, better still, ask a friend or book a cab to deliver them to him.

Yes sod him, poor man is depressed - I put my kids before any man, the effect he is having on them could damage them, good riddance, he's an adult, let him work out where to go.

& you have sorted out his debts & other problems for him & he has free rent why do you think he is still hanging around ? He's not happy, but he is a Leech

Free rent?

Not money per se, although I have been paying all the bills but as he stayed at mine that's what I've always done. Just taken a lot of time out my day, as I was off work, to help him move from a place he couldn't afford and wasn't staying at anyway as he was always at mine and to list and sell things he then didn't need as he was with me to help clear some of his debts and motivated him to call the relevant people and set up payment plans etc rather than him continue to bury his head in the sand.

How long had he been staying with you before you booted him out?

Does he work?

About three months full time. Otherwise been together about 18 months.
Yes he works.

I'm relieved to know that you've invested more time than money in him, but the fact he has a job suggests he may be far more organised than he lets on to you.

I would hazard a guess that he doesn't exhibit "angry, abusive, controlling, paranoid" behaviour to his colleagues and he reserves that side of his personality for women who are unfortunate enough to get involved with him.

In any event, this man is bad news for you and your dc and I hope you are not considering having anything further to do with him as there is no shortage of honest and decent men who won't run you ragged and be a drain on your mental and material resources.

As your idea of 'living the dream' does not in any way align with mine, it seems to me that your expectations of relationships may be considerably lower than that of many others. If your former lovers/partners haven't been much different to this self-entitled tosser depressive individual, I suggest you spend a tenner on doing the Freedom Programme online www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php