Loss of Libido - help, I don't want sex

[Notrightmum]

Hi I'm new here and know I'll find typing my thoughts down very weird but I'm looking for other mums that may be in the same situation.

I've just come through the menopause and though I jokingly call it the pause-from-men that's what it's becoming. I no longer want sex. Basically I can't be bothered and that must sound awful. On the occasions I 'let' my husband I am not aroused, I do not want to be touched and penetration is very painful. I have creams and pessaries from the doctor but there is no pill for my loss of libido.

I can tell when my husband wants sex he looks at me in a different way and it makes me angry (though I've no idea why). I was willing to 'try' but being bone dry meant that there was no way to even start. He tried to touch me and I almost flipped. We've tried to talk about this since and I know it is probably a phase (I hope so).

Coupled with this is my constant need to 'be alone'. I've learned over the years to amuse myself with books and writing and now - especially with having the internet - it seems I'd rather do that a lot of the time and I'd rather do that than have sex.! I work as a teacher for a few hours a week and I'm fine at work but at home as soon as my husband and kids are out of the way I sit down and watch TV - rubbish TV - I no longer have the desire to clean the house like I used to. When my husband goes to bed I stay up and watch TV. I told the doctor that I'm 'too lazy to get out of my own way.' There wasn't much she could say to me!

What's going on here - can anyone offer a clue? And will I ever be 'normal' again?

Did the doctor offer you HRT? Your description of your routine of watching shit telly and being alone make me wonder if you could have low-level depression?

Do you enjoy being married? Or do you think you would be happier alone? I'm much happier on my own, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

Hi Pocketsaviour,
at one time I had no motivation whatsoever and the doc gave me Sertraline and I bucked up straightaway. I don't feel depressed, I just seem to need more alone time than I ever did. At times over the years I've gone to sleep but not because I was tired I just wanted headspace! My batteries need a lot , more recharging than most people seem to and doing too much with people can leave me feeling 'spinny'. I like being married, though I must admit it's hard work sometimes. Or perhaps I an just lazy. Husband is doing his best to help out. I'm restless but don't know what it is I want or expect. And apart from this little niggle is all OK. I blame hormones!

You sound like me. I had zero desire plus pain. Also started staying up very very late watching tv which I normally didn't at all.

The GP put me on Sertraline and it got my emotions sorted somewhat quickly.

My desire is back a little but my DH was so angry about being rejected he holds it against me. So things did get better but my DH is being a knob and don't think the marriage will survive.

Hi Magiccatlitter, though I'm 'pleased' to hear of someone in the same boat as myself, I'm sorry that marriage-wise things are worse. Sometimes it's not easy being a woman, everyone expects so much of us! And men act like kids very often!

My libido dissappeared after the menapause too. Luckily my DH has completely lost his as well. If his comes back I think I'd have a chat with GP to see if there is anything to restore mine somewhat. I am only 57 and DH is 55, so we are rather young to be celibate!

Hi BMW6,

My DH and I are in the same age bracket - it's a neglected one I think because you never see or hear anything about sex and the fifty-somethings. Television programmes make me laugh - especially soap operas where women our age all have high libidos and hop in and out of bed with everyone - no mention of pain there!