Trust your gut

[TheStoic]

Just wondering...has anyone been completely wrong when they have suspected their partner was cheating on them?

I know it's hard to prove a negative, but has anyone been satisfactorily reassured that everything was innocent after their gut had been screaming at them for some time?

I don't know how you could prove a negative. It would depend whether you were naturally a suspicious type, what you were going on, etc, but no, I've never met anyone whose instincts were wrong.

Unfortunately not

The only regrets I've ever had with gut feelings is when I've ignored them

I think that far too many people put too much emphasis on what their gut tells them. We're always told that children of abusive families end up in abusive partnerships themselves, and I presume that's because their guts are telling them that such a situation is totally fine, or at the very least within their comfort zone. Conversely, a person with a very emotionally scarred past could have terrible trouble trusting someone even when they are totally trustworthy, as their gut is hypersensitive and screaming at them to run even when it's not merited. Guts don't always know best.

However, it does depend on the situation - if you meet a stranger in an alley and he/she is making you nervous, leave.

Never had to prove anyone innocent though, so can't help you there.

Ime, no, I was spot on.

Me too skipton

I might not know what the lie/issue is but I always sense somthing is amiss.

No, my gut was spot on with my exHs affair & before that, there was something along the lines of an emotional affair that I could never prove.

I struggle to trust my gut now as I do have trust issues - but even then, it has led me to be right about certain situations. But it does tend to spill over into paranoia at times, so I think you have to be careful if you have been burnt before - you may well be barking up the wrong tree.

I was spot on too.
My only regret is not listening to my gut instinct and tackling it earlier!

Everything hellsbellsmelon just said...

I agree with skipton and melon. I could just 'tell' that ex was up to no good, and he was. Then, despite promising it was all over etc. I knew he was still up to no good, and he was.

I think when we live with people or we know them so well, it's easy to pick up on subtle little changes in their behaviour. It's not always easy to pinpoint WHAT it is though. IME, that's what gives me that uneasy gut feeling that something is wrong. We're not always right though.

I agree with DogWalker about the little changes.

I think people don't trust their gut because it seems unfounded and "just" a feeling, not evidence. But actually, I think what is going on is your brain noticing patterns way before you're consciously aware of it.

Take mentionitis - we all know it's not uncommon for someone to start mentioning someone they fancy. And when it's really obvious, it's not a gut feeling as such.

But what about when it's more than normal, more than that person was mentioned before, or more than someone else is mentioned, but not at obvious levels? I I think your brain is still doing the counting, recording, the statistical analysis. And far from being a "gut" feeling, if you could write down the numbers your brain has, it would be a very valid statistical analysis of significance.

Gut instinct seems mystical, but I think it's mostly a science we don't understand yet.

A different point: often people say they had a gut feeling. Sometimes, if you push them, I think what they had was actual evidence but they weren't ready to accept the consequences of it for whatever reason. How often do we see threads on here where women are "unsure" but go on to list what is, objectively, wrong behaviour?

Dunno.
My gut instincts were right about my ex Dh and his behaviour. But has that now skewed my gut instincts for future situations? I've got a bad feeling about something with my DP now and I cant tell if Im over reacting due to past experience or if Im right.....actually its doing my head in a bit.

Your gut instinct is usually, no always, right IMO

I had a terrible lurch in my gut the other night. It turns out that my OH who was uncontactable (he never is) had left it home (phone).
My gut has never been wrong before. Ever. I still don't know what to make of it. There is nothing else out of sync.

No, I think you'll find that your gut instinct is right on the money, it certainly was in my case, even though he denied it right up to the end, even swearing on our children's lives.

You know their behaviours better than they do, and can pick up on the most subtle of changes, and the most unsubtle , such as keeping their phone glued to their person at all times. I'm so sorry, that feeling of paranoia and betrayal is so bone crushingly painful.

Nope. Mine were spot on.

Hope you are OK OP.

I've had my gut trick me. I was judging a new partner by a shitty old one's tricks. In terms of a Long term partner, I think you usually know- unless you have your own guilts (i.e. you've cheated and are paranoid they will) or are controlling and not liking the partner not being controlled.