How to motivate my dh to do stuff

[onlyoranges]

My dh works long hours 10 hours a day basic, all weekend etc. we have so much in the house that need doing really badly eg curtains hanging off the rails, paint totally rubbed off walls. I could go on. But my issue is he doesn't do it, he is tired but he won't let me get anyone to do it either. I am not working as currently fighting a disease which is hell bent on killing me. But that means I spend loads of time at home and have nurses etc coming round and they may not care about the house but I do. How can I motivate him/ideas of how I can get this stuff done. Now I don't work
Money is tight we lost half our income.

But surely he's tired and can't manage it. And as money is tight then of course you can't 'get someone in'

He's working hard. You expect even more from him??

Firstly, I'm sorry to hear you are so sick. Do you think perhaps you are focusing on what's wrong wth the house as a means of distracting yourself from your illness? It sounds like your husband is exhausted - he's the sole wage earner and he is probably worried sick about your health too. Is there any way you could try closing your eyes to it for a while? It sounds like you are both fighting far bigger battles.

No just wonders if someone could come up with something creative as I know MNetters can be amazingly resourceful. Our dcs won't ask people round now as things have got so bad. They have been through so much I would like them to feel they could have people round.

Ok so practically how would you see it being done? Hire someone? Do you have enough income to pay for it?

It sounds as though your H doesn't want to 'get someone in' because there isn't enough money, which is not unreasonable. And he is too tired to do the jobs himself, which is also not unreasonable. Unfortunately, you are just going to have to put up with it for the moment.

Is there a charity who might do something for you? Your nurses might know of organisations linked to your specific illness. Are the children old enough to do some of it? Family or friends?

Your H's working hours are not sustainable. He needs weekends off or his health will suffer too. Are you getting all the benefits you are entitled too? Talk to Social Services or Citizens Advice Bureau to make sure you are getting all the support you should and any disability benefits and carers benefits. If he cut down his working hours and earned less would this make you eligible for benefits you currently are not?

Do you have any friends or family who are handy with DIY and could help out? Or a neighbour, maybe even in exchange for favours you are able to do for them? Can you attempt some jobs yourself, even if only doing a small amount at a time? Painting a wall yourself when you're able to, may take some time but is far better than it not being painted at all.

I totally understand how upsetting it can be to live in an environment like that. When you're at home a lot especially, it can really affect your mood. Simple changes like repainting make a huge difference to how you feel in yourself.

How old are your kids? They might be able to help do it with some guidance. I know how you feel re the house, it really gets to me too when things aren't "right". So sorry you've been ill