How to leave? When to leave?

[Kazzawazzawo0]

My marriage of 20 years is over. I don't love him anymore. We have a teenage daughter who isn't aware (I think) of our problems. Husband wants to keep trying, but I know I can't feel the same way about him again. I've also met someone else.

We have put our house up for sale, the proceeds are needed to pay off some debt and will leave us with nothing to start our new lives.

The thing is,I don't know what I need to do. I'm not bothered about divorcing at the moment, neither of us can afford solicitor fees. I just want to sell the house, pay off the debt and go.

Do I have to wait til the house is sold? When do I apply for tax credits on my own etc? I'm working part time at present, I don't earn enough to live on, due to health reasons I can't work full-time.

I'm really stressed and can barely sleep, trying to work out when to do things and feel like I'm just sat here waiting to move on. I can't tell dd because I don't want to upset her whilst we are all under one roof. I haven't even told my husband that it's definitely over, because I want to keep a peaceful atmosphere until the house is sold and I can make some definite plans.

Please don't judge, I'm trying to keep everything peaceful for as long as possible for dds sake.

I don't know how I'm going to rent somewhere on my earnings, a lot of landlords don't seem to take people on benefits. I can move in with the person I am seeing on a temporary basis until I find somewhere, as I'll be moving away from the area, but then want to find my own place. Any ideas how to start, will I be entitled to help with rent? I earn between £400 and £900 a month depending on the work load (I'm self employed).

Thanks for any advice.

I think your dds friends are going to be very important to her over the coming months/years, with her parents divorcing and selling the family home. I don't think moving to a different area/school is a good idea at all. Especially if the reason is to be closer to OM

I see my doctor regularly re depression and anxiety and take medication.

I can't afford a solicitor and there will be no money to split once the debt is paid off (which is mainly in his name).

I was just informing you! If he's got anything you don't know about you probably won't get half.

think your depression would have to be the sort to make you not able to work at all. You could go full time? Tbh I would seek advice from CAB.

How do you know dd won't want to live with her dad?

I've just seen the debts mainly in his name. You should help with repayments if you helped him get into debt.

If your daughter doesn't want to change schools presumably she could just stay with her dad and not have to?
I think you should consider what you're doing here, no one appreciates being lied to and withholding the truth from DD and DH is lying by ommitance.

I think usually, the house does not have to be sold until the youngest child is 18? And the person looking after child/ten stays in the house with them:

So, could you leave your she there with dd and you could move out and rent a room?

I couldn't work full-time, I can't cope with the stress.

I'm not leaving dd with my husband, he's too lazy and doesn't do anything with her.

He has no other money or assets I don't know about. He's constantly out of work.

I'm not going to leave him to pay the debt, it will be paid off when the house is sold. In the meantime I'm the only person earning something here!

Talk about jumping to conclusions..!

I just wanted to know a little about the best order to do things in with regard to applying for benefits, not advice on my marriage. The comments here have not helped, in fact I feel extremely depressed and more anxious about the whole thing. I'll leave the thread and change my user name. I've been coping with an extremely difficult situation for several years and don't need to be judged by people who don't have a clue what is going on.

Where do you think people have judged you OP? I don't see it. People have made suggestions based on the information you have us. People can only use the information they are given

Go to cab then. Your husband will likely want joint custody which he's more likely to get being in the family home.
Nobody's judged you.
This conversation wouldn't make you more anxious or depressed. And I say that as someone with depression and severe anxiety for ten years. I also have a six month old and a part time job. If you want out your only choice is to work full time or go on benefits. Don't stay in a crappy relationship as it will be damaging for your daughter.

People are telling me what I should and shouldn't do with regard to a new relationship. That's not helping, not what I asked for.

That's great that you don't think this conversation would make me more anxious or depressed. However, the whole situation is extremely stressful and the comments on here have not helped. I think I can be the judge of that, as I am affected by it. Regardless of whether you would find it so .. It affects everyone differently, so don't presume because you feel one way, that I do too.

I am almost certain that my husband will not want joint custody, as he is extremely lazy, has no work and has shown barely any interest in our daughter during her life!

Yes people can only use the information they are given, but people here are making assumptions about something they don't know anything about.

That's just not how anxiety works. Everyone has bad days/stressful times but you have to actively change your situation however you can. I wouldn't be here today if I didn't.

Really? OK ...

What do you mean really? I'm sorry to say things don't get better until you change them.

I meant your comment about, that's not how anxiety works. How do you know how I feel?

I'm not saying I know how you feel.
However, I suffered a sexual attack which was how my son was conceived. This lead to severe anxiety and depression. There were bad days and worse days. But comments from strangers wouldn't make a person more depressed or anxious in the long run. Even though I was in a dark place I had to drag myself out if it for the sake of my son. You just have to dig deep and change things.

Reubs, if he's that bad then i think you will find your anxiety and other problems decreasing a great deal as soon as you leave.

If who's that bad? I'm not with the person who did that to me!

Ring the tax credits and explain your situation.

Ask them if you would be entitled to any money.

Also cab are. Err good but you do need an appointment.

You can also get 30 mins free time with a solicitor. They can go over the house details.

If your dh is lazy then it will be down to you to clean the house for sale.

Can you come to some agreement with him about his debts.

I think that he would be liable for them if they are in his sole name.

Could you use this as leverage for a quick house sale.