dont know how to handle this advice needed

[tittyfallol]

changed my name for this

ds who is 5 likes to stay at MIL's house every chance he can get
2 of her other grandchildren stay every weekend, as they are quite alot older than ds, dp and I found out that all the children were sneaking downstairs and recording images of our ds being thrown on the settes on their mobile phones for a laugh

even though ds was not hurt dp and i feel it is still a form of happy slappping

dp was annoyed and informed MIL and his sister
they reassured it would not happen again

since that incident
MIL has refused to have ds over
even saying it to his face, that he could not stay but the other 2 could
also by making the other grandchildren who visit some dinner but ds was not offered any

dp and i think this is very cruel to our ds
and we now dont even take him to his grans, just in case he asks if he can stay
ds is heartbroken

dp wants to confront her but is finding it hard as her house is always full and he can never catch her on her own

I dont want to go there anymore as I am angry and i will open up my mouth and say something I will regret

we just dont know what to do

TIA

Not sure I understand. DS was being thrown on the settee. Was it the kind of thing that my DH does - chucking child from safe height so that he bounces on the cushions and screams with laughter, or something more ominous and scary? Perhaps they just liked seeing him laughing?

Message withdrawn

sorry if I did not make it clear
they would wake up ds and all sneak downstairs in middle of night,
and then record ds being thrown around onto their mobile phones

if it was innocent, why do this in middle of night when gran was asleeep???

they are 14 and 11 year olds, so considerably older than ds

What's happened to the footage - presumably its still on their phones?. Presumably as well MIL and SIL has not seen this. The 14 and 11 year old girls are old enough to know better so cannot understand why they have escaped punishment. Does SIL know the full extent of what her daughters have been doing?. It sounds like a game that has got completely out of control.

Your DP certainly needs to talk to his Mum. She is responsible for her grandson's welfare and safety in her house.

sounds out of order imo and I would be annoyed exactly like you are..after all that is your "baby". To me it does sounds like some form of happy slapping and obviously your ds is not old enought o realise or understand YET he wants to stay at grans maybe because he likes to be with the older girls iykwim...A stage im sure all baby etc go through.

If it was me there is no way I would allow him to stay over again, even if your mil and sil did have a word with the older ones..whos to say it wouldn't happen again.? FFS if it was my dd who had images like those on the phone I would go mad.! Its called roughhousing and although yeah is fun and exciting who knows what it could lead to or what injury could be caused.? I know I sound ott but our dd is 18 months and I am putting myself in your position.There is a major difference between a "child" playing like that and an adult doing it..I would hope the adult would have sense to tone it down iykwim.

(BTW our friend was the same with his ds..because he was a boy he wanted to toughen him up YET dh is the opposite with dd..not because shes a girl but because he wants to protect her and doesn't find it funny kicking a ball into a childs head or shaking them etc etc He will be the same when our ds2b arrives in Jan)

Right back to a solution...Seen as your dh struggles to get mil on her own and maybe he is wary of speaking to her after all she is his mum and some men find it hard to be direct with their parents esp their mum...I would confront her myself. Yeah sure you may explode BUT you are looking out for your ds and what mother wouldn't agree..? That way your mil and sil would know exactly how you felt and that you feel your ds is now being punished for something thats clearly not his fault. He's a child fgs and shouldn't be made to feel pig in the middle. If your mil continues then I would stop the visits and explain to your ds why. What an awful situation.

hth. xx

Oh I see . That is not OK. How unnerving for your little boy.

You do need to talk to your mil. I expect she is feeling a bit guilty which is why she is reacting like this. is there any chance she didn't know what was going on? Try not to get angry but I can see that might be difficult especially if she gets defensive - but you never know, she might be quite different if you talk to her directly. She needs to know that the incident(s) were not OK (which I imagine she already does which is why she's being like this tbh). Emphasise that it really isn't fair to punish your DS and that he really misses seeing her but that you need to know he'll be safe when he goes there.

Maybe your MIL doesn't feel that she can control the other two and doesn't want the responsibilty of protecting your DS...not that she doesn't care, but that she just doesn't want him to get hurt and can't guarantee his safety.
Maybe she's scared of SIL's reaction if she says older 2 can't stay...
Not sure what the reasoning would be behind not feeding your DS dinner, where you there - could DS have gotten mixed up?

Anyway - basically I think there are too many maybe's here and certainly too many people involved. I don't blame you for being angry, who wouldn't be, but try to give MIL the benefit of the doubt at least for now. Your anger should be directed at your SIL's kids. Try to approach MIL by herself (invite her around yours?) and try to ensure that neither of you have any distractions. Approach it from a Mother to Mother chat....say how upset you are and just try to sound her out as to what she thinks of it all. Say how upset DS is and how much he misses her (soften her up a bit more) and if she doesn't give the right answers THEN you can explode!

do you think maybe you MIL has a thing about "telling" you know kids shouldn't tell tales.....? She might be punishing him? Either that or she has somehow sided with SIL? You need to get DH to call her and arrange a time when they can talk about this- citing the upset this is casuing your little boy,
sympathies,