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Original poster

body language question re men who are usually tactile

19 replies

beaglesaresweet · 31/08/2015 00:42

a bit trivial, but I'm wondering. If a man is socially tactile with people, i.e. he shakes hands, touches people on the arm in a friendly way a lot at work etc, is actually attracted to a woman, would he be LESS tactile with her as presumably more nervous/touch is more special if you fancy someone?

Or would be his usual self and touch her on the arm repeatedly during a talk, even when he's only just started talking to her so she's quite new to him, and previously just seen her at a distance?

I always thought men go quite shy when attracted, but maybe not is a man is an extavert and chatty by nature?

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MadeMan · 31/08/2015 01:31

I don't think there's any hard and fast rules about tactile touching.

Generally I'm only tactile with people I know fairly well, regardless of whether they're a woman I fancy or not.

Original poster

beaglesaresweet · 31/08/2015 10:35

just thought that when people are attracted to someone (especially new) that would be a bit reserved with that person ot behave in some way different to their normal social mode. This guy is confident and very nice to evreyone socially but he also is shy deep down i think, so not the thick-skinned type at all. So really I thought if he was attarcted to me, he would have not touched my arm on that friendly sort of way - not that he did it a lot, just trying to read the clues, just wondering if I have a chance there (yes, I like him, though only just met talked him properly for the first time).

MadeMan ok, but are htere any differences in how you behave with a woman or fancy and he rest? when you don't know her well but seen socially (not one to one)?

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Original poster

beaglesaresweet · 31/08/2015 10:38

lots of words missing and errors - sorry!

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Original poster

beaglesaresweet · 31/08/2015 10:39

'with a woman you fancy and the rest' (argh)

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Original poster

beaglesaresweet · 31/08/2015 13:01

anyone else who's good at reading the flirting signs?

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MadeMan · 31/08/2015 13:45

I don't think that looking for signs of interest and trying to read clues is of any use really, you can't second guess people's behaviour because everyone acts differently.

If somebody is quiet around you but loud and confident with everyone else, it doesn't necessarily mean they are attracted to you. If someone touches your arm or doesn't touch your arm, again it doesn't always mean they fancy you.

Signs and clues are things that love gurus and Sunday magazine columnists promote to help them make their money.

wickedwaterwitch · 31/08/2015 13:47

I think men do all sorts of different things when they're attracted to someone and it's hard to generalise

MadeMan · 31/08/2015 13:51

"but are htere any differences in how you behave with a woman or fancy and he rest?"

In answer to this, there have been times in the past when I've felt physically sick in the presence of a woman I really fancy and there have been times when I've felt relaxed, confident and pleased to see a woman. I don't seem to have a set way of behaving when I fancy a woman, each time is different.

MadeMan · 31/08/2015 13:54

Obviously if I don't fancy a woman then I just behave and act like my usual annoying self.

Original poster

beaglesaresweet · 31/08/2015 14:04

haha MadeMan (usual annoying self)! So at least you try to be on your best behaviour when attracted to someone even before you make any moves!

but ok I get it, silly to second-guess and generalise, wickedwater and MM. I will have to see if he approaches me in any way next time I see him (couple of weeks to wait). Sounds like you are basically saying that if someone is attracted, they will make obvious steps or show some initiative at least beyond the flirting.
All I can say so far is that it's been many looks to and fro between him and me, and also the first longish chat went well (not on any personal subjects of course), but as he is sociable and works in that place he may have just been looking at me as I'm a new face.

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AskBasil · 31/08/2015 14:07

Er... dunno.

MadeMan · 31/08/2015 14:15

"...he may have just been looking at me as I'm a new face."

If you are new to the place then he's probably just curious about who you are; same as everyone else will interested in you. He might be thinking, "That new woman looks really nice, I might ask her out sometime," or he might be thinking, "Tsk, that new woman has such terrible hair!!!" Although to be honest if he's criticising your hair at this stage then he might actually be gay.

Original poster

beaglesaresweet · 31/08/2015 17:47

haha, MM, he's not gay and I'm sure not critical of me atm! he looked at me with interest. I'm not new as in new employee, but a relatively new customer. He's in charge there and been sort of circling around me a bit - a wave there, some looks across the room, miming 'thank you' to me while talking to someone else and I was going past, but I thought it was a bit odd that he never came to talk to me, that's easy with a new customer, right?

So I took the plunge myself last time and cornered him for a talk. I thought he acted a little quiet at first but then started touching my arm and became friendly and more relaxed. Then he sort of made a fuss of me a little when I was leaving. So I have a little hope he likes me but I'm not good at reading people who ar generally nice to everyone and chatty.

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MadeMan · 31/08/2015 17:57

Oh I see, you're the new customer in his shop.

beardsrock mentions a Maglite cupboard she and the garden boys used to use when she worked in B&Q on this thread; 18th reply down. Is there a similar cupboard in his shop?

Original poster

beaglesaresweet · 31/08/2015 18:49

it's not a shop really, don't want to be specific! but no cupboards, it's all very open plan and he has no office of his own!
So when you got interested in someone, how did you let them know? apart from asking a woman out?

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MadeMan · 31/08/2015 19:04

"apart from asking a woman out?"

That is generally what I do once I've got to know them a bit and if I like them. I don't play with my wine glass stem, or lick my lips or anything.

Original poster

beaglesaresweet · 31/08/2015 19:07

yes I know you eventually ask them out but how do you show initial interest or 'learn about them' without going on a date? just chat to them a lot? yes that's the obvious a but can also mean just friendly interest. Yes I'm sure you don't go for the 'feminine' flirting, but men often make sure you notice them looking at you a lot etc. Have to start somewhere?
I guess I'll have to wait till he approaches me next time.

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MadeMan · 31/08/2015 20:23

Try to keep going to see him and then if you get the chance to talk then do so. If you ask him about himself then that shows your personal interest in him.

People who have partners will almost always drop them into a conversation somehow (unless they are deliberately trying to hide the fact), so if you ask him something like what he did at the weekend or his spare time, then he will very likely mention wife/girlfriend/children if he has them. It shouldn't be too hard to find out if he's available and then you can plan from there.

Original poster

beaglesaresweet · 01/09/2015 00:07

thanks MM, you've been patient! I initiated the first talk (not on personal life, more like asking his advice) it went well. I think it's now up to him to approach me with any chat, or I'll seem OTT and pursuing him? But yes you aer right, I need to know whether he's available - if he does show any initiative I'll ask him about the weekend.

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