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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Advice needed by a man

30 replies

NotSure15 · 30/08/2015 19:10

Hello there,

I had been seeking advice at this forum long time ago which proved really helpful and wonder if I could get some advice regarding the split of household expenses etc.

My profession requires shift work frequently. To provide stability for the family, she has chosen to remain with the same employer for many years as she can work around the family requirements. Our children go to nursery full time but she ensures pick and drop of children is done timely which is not always possible for me because of the nature of my work.

I earn at least 40% more than my wife does. Having said that, she can earn equal to what I do, if she does not have to stay with the same job to provide the stability for the family.

The expenses consist of the usual household bills, child care costs and mortgage etc. She also supports her parents financially on regular basis.

I am trying to work out a fair financial arrangement between both of us to meet our family expenses.

My initial thoughts are to pool all the income, pay the bills out of the pool and the rest is divided up between the two.The money she sends to her parents can be treated as a standard 'bill' like childcare, mortgage etc or may go out of her share which is left after the bills are paid.

What are your thoughts about this.

Many Thanks

OP posts:

Lweji · 31/08/2015 07:31

Ahem, none of us needs to know anything. It's for both of you as a couple to evaluate if they actually need the money. And, as a couple, should you send and how much.

I'd just say that as you are married, it's all family money. So, it should always be a joint decision, because it impacts on savings.
You may want to make sure that it's inheritance protected. Does she have siblings?

Dollius01 · 31/08/2015 07:34

Well, yes, quite, but I think he is asking advice and it is hard to judge without that information...

CrumbledFeta · 31/08/2015 07:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Inexperiencedchick · 31/08/2015 08:45

Seems you have a problem with her sending money to her parents. Hence you accept the situation as "hers and mine".

pinkfrocks · 31/08/2015 09:51

Not sure why you want 'his and hers' money.

DH and I have a joint account out of which all day to day bills and mortgage are paid. Over the years he has earned anything from all our income when I was a SAHM for a while, to around 80% of our income. We each have our own ISAs and investments but overall we still think of it as 'joint' money. If he wants to buy himself something - say £2K on a bike- I'm fine about that because the understanding is that I have that freedom to spend that on myself if I wanted to, regardless if it comes out of my own accounts or our joint account. It might come out of 'my' savings but equally we transfer money to each others accounts when necessary- I've topped up our joint account from my own accounts if we've a big purchase.

I don't understand why your wife is making regular payments to her parents. This is not 'usual' although I have heard it done when family lives in an impoverished 3rd world country. Is this the case? This is something you need to talk about because I'd like to know if you discussed it when she first started to do it.

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