Feeling sorry for myself.

[Asmith7]

Hi, I guess I need to get this off my chest more than anything as I don't feel I have anyone to talk to. So thank you MN.

I have been with DP for over a decade, we don't have DC yet, but are hoping to soon.

I have always helped DP through all the problems they've had, from being too afraid of leaving the house, having panic attacks and having depression throughout the entire time we have been together.

It has been tough, I am always trying to smile and put a positive spin on everything, I'm the one who tries to show the light at the end of the tunnel. You know? It has been very hard for me to relate, never having suffered from these things, but I try nonetheless. I do hope one day we can live together in happiness. It makes me cry at the thought of living in an unhappy home.

Just recently I have questioned my relationship, my parents are going through a bitter divorce, and right now for the first time, I really need someone there for me. I thought that would be DP, but no, too depressed to genuinely comfort me and tell me everything will be okay.

This has really make question the relationship, which I feel really bad about, but at times I need a rock, I have been that rock for years and years. Is that too much to ask?

All of this is really becoming so hard to deal with especially with my parents at the moment, DP hasn't had a decent pay check in a while (due to the above) so I'm covering that. DPs health has also been going downhill, slightly under obese, so another thing to worry about.

I think I need a long walk, thank you for reading.

Does your DP do anything to help himself? Has he seen the Dr? Is he on medication?

IMHO I do not think that it would be wise to have a DC at this point.

From your post I would assume that things are not going to change much and this could well be the way your relationship plays out in the future. Is this what you want?

No this is why we don't have DC, waiting for the right time, which I hope will be soon, but I fear not.

DP has been cooking dinner and doing a fair amount of house work during the day, when not at work. Which is nice and I do appreciate.

Ages ago the doctor prescribed antidepressants but they don't really seem to be doing much anymore, also had meetings with a physiatrist/psychologist, but these didn't help and gave up with it. Not sure where we can go from here?

It's like there is a dark cloud over everything.

Cantafford.
Does your DP do anything to help himself?

Yes, but I feel it's half hearted, which is probably down to the depression.

Well it doesn't seem the right relationship to bring dc into any time soon. It sounds a very one way street and while I can understand the mh problems and sympathise, you sound very low and drained yourself. How would that play out with dc in the mix?

That all sounds tough, OP.

Does he/she know just how much you are struggling?

They know Stoic, and when I pressed about how I felt I got "well I'm depressed".

Your partner sounds very self absorbed. Is it possible that you're enabling this person as much as supporting them? Ten years of this and to get "well I'm depressed" when you need support? It might be time to take stock and decide if this is the right relationship for you.

Please don't have dc with this man because if you do, you'll be carrying him, the dc, and the weight of the world on your shoulders for years to come.

It seems you've facilitated his 'depression' to a point where he's happy in his bubble of inertia and he can't be arsed to get out of it not even to comfort you, the woman who has been his mainstay for years.

You do need a rock, but what you've got is a leaden weight round your neck and he'll take you down with him.

I suggest you give consideration to dumping his lardy arse initiating a temporary separation which I suspect will become permanent when you realise that the black clouds currently obscuring your view of the sun are no more than the gloomy shadow of his bulky frame.

You have a way with words goddess

Couldn't have put it better myself.

Depression is an incredibly self-absorbed disease which erodes the ability of the sufferer to give a shit about anything/anyone outside their own self.

Has s/he had this illness since you met? What steps have they taken to seek treatment? Are they on meds, attending therapy/psychiatrist?