Don't know whether to be proud or worried

[jezestbelle]

DS (18) and I were invited to lunch yday at his aunts (also Godmother) my SIL house. Her partner of 5 years is I am sorry to say bloody unpleasant and noone in the family likes him. He doesn't seem to work although thinks he is a great intellect and essentially sponges off her. She is lovely but a soft touch.
Anyway we keep in touch as noone else does for her sake. Her partner sat with his dinner on his big belly ranting about the Middle East and at one point demanded dessert. DS who is a very reserved young man doesn't say boo to a goose suddenly tore a strip off him, about how dare he speak to his aunt like that, it is clear he doesn't respect women etc. Very embarrassed silence followed by a quick departure. Now this idiot man is emailing saying we aren't welcome there any more and am I proud of raising a gay son( he isn't gay but so what etc) I worry for SIL as she is trapped with this buffoon but I am also very proud of my DS for stepping in...

I did email SIL but no response. Said I agreed with DS and would see her but not her DP again. Her choice. As for DS it is like living in kind of scifi movie where one minute there is a shy nervous boy, the next a full grown man next to you. And he kind of flickers between the 2. We went for a coffee yday together and I clearly saw the 2 young women serving eyeing him up as he walked back to our table. Then we talk about his expectations of uni and I asked how he felt about entering a coed environment for the first time since primary school and he turned scarlet with embarrassment. Man-boy on-off just like that. I guess he will lose the boy side fairly quickly when he is at university. DD is another kettle of fish, was so much more confident than him at this age..But yes of course I am proud of him :)

Be proud of him. I would if my son acted like that.

I think it's important to let your sister know that it's her choice to be with him but when she finally sees him as everyone else does, you'll help her get away.

SIL not sister but yes point taken. Ironic thing is the house is hers anyway he doesn't pay for anything. Noone seems to know his real background but the country his family hail from is not one he could go to right now for security reasons. FFS he said at one point "a man is the master in his own house" but it isn't his bloody house. Never were a man's bollocks so in need of a bloody good kneeing!

Oh, beam with pride. Well done that young man! Pity sil though.

FFS he said at one point "a man is the master in his own house" but it isn't his bloody house
?
You realize that, by his reckoning it is his house, when it comes to relationship he no doubt lives by the credo of 'what's yours is mine and what's mine is my own'?

I'd be extremely proud of him and give myself some sort of gold parenting star for raising such a clued up young man :)

This is an excellent opportunity for you to a) tell him how proud you are of him and b.) talk about abusive relationships and how they arise/how to support people in them.

Your poor SIL. Can you use this incident for good? Get her alone and talk to her about how worried you are and how much you think she should kick this idiot to the kerb?

A man is the master in his own house eg? I'm afraid my response would have been, "lovely - where is your house by the way? This one belongs to SIL."

The thing I hate most is the subterfuge, he has these so called "brothers and sisters" who in many cases are much younger than him.and don't look anything like him. In a way I am glad though if SIL sees the error of her ways now. I've also learned I have a lovely son who respects women and won't tolerate misogyny. I would venture I see signs of hope for this generation despite all the Internet porn, phone texting etc. He has a fairly small circle of school friends but they are all respectful polite boys, albeit I don't know how many girls/women outside their families they have ever actually interacted with tbh..

Well done OP on bringing up such a lovely young man and well done your DS. Be very very proud of him.