Thinking about divorce

[Jdee41]

My DP and I have just had a big argument. The situation is that money is pretty tight right now due to my switching jobs recently (through necessity) which means I now have more responsibility for less money. DP works PT and does some of this from home.

Due to our childcare arrangements I have not had a proper break from work (longer than a weekend) in over four years, and after a period of depression I have been on ADs for nearly a year. This followed a horrible bereavement.

Tonight I finally said how stressed and unhappy I feel. DP said that I should stop complaining as lots of people work long hours and don't get annual leave. When I said about the ADs DP said I should stop taking them as I am 'hiding' and should 'face it.'

I feel quite betrayed and alone, that DP does not take this seriously and gets extremely defensive if I talk about it.

I am seriously thinking about divorce as I do not feel supported. Our DCs are the only thing stopping me right now.

Any thoughts? Am I moaning too much?

Am I moaning too much?

Nope.

I don't think you're moaning too much.

Has he had a proper break in that time? If he has then he has no right to say you don't need one!

DP had the whole of last December on leave.

lots of people work long hours and don't get annual leave

Are you on a zero-hours contract? Because if you're employed full time (not self-employed) you are almost certainly entitled to 28 days paid annual leave per year.
www.gov.uk/holiday-entitlement-rights/entitlement

Even if you are on zero hours, the law says that you should be entitled to 28 days pro-rata (based on your average hours, usually calculated over the previous 18 weeks, but may vary from company to company.)

When I said about the ADs DP said I should stop taking them as I am 'hiding' and should 'face it.'

Let him know you'll be considering his opinion on medical matters just as soon as he graduates from medical school.

I work full-time, and use my annual leave to have one day home per week with DCs, who are both preschool. So I do technically get leave, just not an extended break from work (and on my days home with DCs I am usually keeping on top of work anyway).

Ah, I see. But then how come your H got to take a whole month off in Dec? Surely he is also using his AL for childcare needs too?

DP works PT - there's only one day when we are both out of the house and on that day a relative helps us, but the relative in question can't help more, hence my using my annual leave.

DP hasn't mentioned last night's argument - hoping I won't be moaning any more, I think.

DP finally said something to be about the argument. I had been honest about how low I was feeling prior to starting ADs (i.e. suicidal thoughts), and DP said that if I was feeling like that I probably wasn't fit to look after our DCs. Also said "how can you think like that when you have children to look after?"

I feel sick to my stomach about this and don't know where to go now.

Thats' an awful thing your P said about ADs. They help get you into a better state where you can deal with circumstances - circumstances which may be the cause of the depression.

I took them on and off for years. The last time I went onto them, they worked - and I could deal with the main cause by divorcing my H.

So I suggest you begin by taking them, and giving them a few weeks to work.