Feel lost after breakdown of relationship

[dreamingwitheyesopen]

I met someone who I thought was the perfect partner a few years ago and we were in a relationship for 3 years. In the beginning, he was lovely and so attentive that I thought he was the person I would marry. He talked about the future all the time, we were planning to get married one day, buy a house together, he talked about what we would call our future DC, we went on weekends away, holidays, etc. I wanted to live together but he put it off because he had come out of a rocky relationship a few months earlier with a woman he'd had a house with. I told myself that it was understandable that he'd have reservations about moving in with a new person after that, and I was truly happy for the first 2 years.

In the third year, he completely lost interest in me and my life. Where we had practically been together all the time before, he never wanted to see me and when he did, he barely spoke to me. He broke up with me over text message saying that "it wasn't working out" and he wasn't prepared to fix it. I was shocked that he would do that to someone after 3 years together. I asked to meet up and discuss it but he wouldn't. I went NC and later found out that he had been seeing someone else (who was married) behind my back. We broke up in July that year, his new girlfriend was pregnant by September.

It's been over a year since the break up and I've moved on mentally but I'm still finding it incredibly hard that he has a baby with someone else so soon and they are basically living the life that we had planned out together. He even named the baby a name that I really liked and had mentioned to him. I find it so painful to even think about and I've blocked them on all social media because I can't bear to see photos of their house/baby/them together. We live in a small town and I am petrified I'm going to bump in to them.

I just feel numb and I've tried dating other people, but I can't seem to connect with anyone new. I'm in my late 20s and all of my friends are settling down. It's especially hard, as I made a new friend after the break up who is very coupled up with her DH. She always goes on about how sad it is that I don't have anyone in my life and talks about how her DH takes her on city breaks etc. I want to tell her that a few years ago, I had that life. I had someone I was in love with and I thought it would last. Except he obviously didn't feel the same as he moved on without a second thought.

I'm starting to think he was a sociopath, as all the signs are there. He never accepted blame for anything, was manipulative, often lost his temper over small things like traffic jams and seemed to have no emotion when the relationship ended.

I don't know why I'm posting this, it just helps to write it all down as it's been over a year and I feel like he's messed with my mind. I'm worried that he will end up happy, while I'll be stuck feeling alone and unable to trust anyone again.

Seeing another woman living the life you wanted with the man you loved must be heartbreaking. By breaking up with you by text after being together three years, it gives you no sense of closure.

I don't have any real advice, apart from to say that time will heal this wound. You'll never forget him, or what he did to you, but I promise you, it WILL get better with time. It's hard seeing your friends coupled up, but you know they won't all be hearts and flowers, don't you? TBH, your new friend sounds more of a frenemy. Although of course it's sad that your relationship ended, telling you how sad it is that you don't have anyone in your life is unhelpful, to say nothing of being untrue!

I hope that one day you will be able to trust somebody again, and you'll look back on the last three years of your life as a fairly small chapter, not the focus of the book .

I know it hurts but have you ever had a lucky escape, honey!!!

You can put money on him being happy... but fgs don't bet on the mother of his dc and all of the subsequent women that he'll initiate relationships with being happy bunnies when he dumps them just like he did you.

Life's a learning curve and hopefully you've learned that when they lose interest it's time to dump them and that you should start running for the hills if you encounter any more men who 'never accept blame for anything, are manipulative, often lose their temper over small things like traffic jams'.

Re your coupled-up pal, as MsV has said, she's a frenemy who's best avoided unless her dh has access to a supply of eligible bachelors who are also looking to tie the knot.

Give yourself a break from dating and look to make more friends through meetup.com or group activities that you enjoy doing.