advice re splitting up with children and house

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Hi - could anyone throw a bit of advice at me?

I saw my friend briefly this morning and she told me that her and her partner are going to split up. I'm going round to see her later this morning and was hoping to have to some factual advice at hand, should she need it.

In brief, they were married but they divorced a few years ago. They then got back together but never re-married. They have 3 children aged 12, 9 and 6.
They have a house with a mortgage. He works and she raises the children and tends to the house.

I've never been through this myself but I was of the understanding that the one who raises the children can stay in the family home until the youngest child leaves full time education. Knowing that this 'understanding of mine' wouldn't be so straight forward I've had a quick google but I can't find anything at all relating to it, nor any other kind of legally binding options. I am a google-failure though

Could anyone point me to some facts that I could then print out and take to her?

She was in a rush but briefly said that they were going to sell the house and both move elsewhere (council rented?) I'm gutted for her if this is the only option as it would mean the children would have to move to another area/school and she will have to leave the home she loves (and I mean loves!)

thanks

Can't help, but didn't want to ignore!

It seems as if they are trying to sort it out themselves, and whilst that seems sensible in many ways, it does mean that maybe your friend is agreeing to make sacrifices which could affect her children's well-being, that legally she would not be asked to make.

Hope someone comes along soon!

Hi
I can't offer much help but aware that you are looking for quick answers...
My sister was in similar situation. Be aware, without causing disharmony between them, that often men say you HAVE to sell the house because if wife and kids move somewhere cheaper its better for them. (you think they'd have kids best interests at heart but men can get childish themselves at times like this). Anyway, this may not necessarily be the case so make sure she does her homework, doens't do anything too hastily and doesn't allow herself to be bullied.
Getting solicitors involved can cause problems if you they are currently getting on but she does need to seek some sort of legal advice. I'd suggest contacting Citizens Advice Bureau and also Relate. They can both offer advice on how to split up on good terms.
She also needs to look into all benefits she wil be entitled to including Tax Credits. They need to think about the income both will receive in future not just look at their finances now.
A word of caution, even if they do agree friendly terms now, get something in writing just in case. In the case of my sister, BIL "fortunately" never paid her any maintainence so when the time came to sell the house (her choice) she gave him a fraction of what he thought he was entitled to in leui of past and future maintainence and let him off the hook. Was the best thing for her, took away the uncertaintly and meant she could buy somewhere off own back. IF he had been paying her £ and then stopped after the sale of the house she would have been in serious trouble if she had been relying on his £ to help top up her mortgage.
Hope it works out, she's lucky to have a friend like you!

The fact they were previously married is irrelevant. The house comes, generally, under land law so if it's owned 50/50 it'd normally have to be sold and split equally,BUT there's a loophole in Schedule 1 of the Children Act l989 whereby he could be ordered by the court to let her and the kids stay in the house till the youngest is 18, then sell up and split equity equally.
She won't get spousal maintenance unless within the original divorce proceedings, this was covered by a consent order. Same applies to any entitlement to his pension.
Hope this helps, sorry in a rush.

thanks all.

fairyjay - you are right, I think she may well make sacrifices that she doesn't have to. Due to his 'personality' she has spent years of "....anything for a quiet life"

popeye - thanks, I shall pass on all your advice. It's all very relevent as he is rather childish and can be a bully (especially where finances are concerned)

mumblechum - thanks! that will be the loophole I've been thinking of. If she can just get that point sorted I'm sure she can move forward. She knows he will never pay for anything, so she won't rely on any maintenence iyswim

Hi,
I found a couple of websites regarding Mediation which might help. Maybe free depending on your friends circumstances or at least cheaper than going to 2 seperate solicitors.

www.nfm.org.uk/mediation.htm
www.thefma.co.uk/index.asp

The websites offer tips even if you don't choose to use the whole service.

Thanks popeye!
I'm going to see her now. I've jotted down the NFM freephone number so I'll take it with me.
She may just need tea and sympathy today but I've got more info now - just in case. I have to accept that whilst 'I' can get geared up to deal with practicalities she has 101 emotional issues shouting at her.

thanks again

she could join ondivorce.co.uk, chatsite like this for...well, you've guessed, but not just married folks, also full of non-married partners. Although not so many who were married, divorced, together again and now splitting up again as unmarried partners.

There are no hard and fast rules. A lot will depend on the deal when they divorced, plus taking care of the children within the funds available.

She should seriously consider seeing a solicitor as soon as she has a good grip of the circumstances (what is in who's name, the origianl divorce deal, what he earns and so forth) - expensive but unavoidable in most cases. From my personal experience, a more expensive solicitor is best value - better advice given more quickly.