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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to tell him I'm leaving

2 replies

Goodgonegirl · 28/08/2015 12:30

My ex and I split a few years ago. My job then offered me a promotion but it was 4 hours away from home so I have been splitting my time between work and home (staying in company accommodation during the week and then returning 'home' at weekends) as I really couldn't afford to turn it down. This was never meant to be a permanent option.

A year after the split, I met someone else. He really is the love of my life but I hate being away from my children so much and want to return home. It has become increasingly difficult to split my time between two places and trying to balance my childrens needs (first priority obviously) but also being fair to my partner.

My children are now at sixth form and will probably be off to university in a couple of years. I really want to spend this time with them, but this will devastate my partner.

We have not talked about this yet, but I know he would be hurt. His view is that now my children are older they should be okay with me not being there so often and he also is uncomfortable that when I return home I stay in the family home. I know this situation is unusual but it has worked for us, (my ex and I get on well) enabling my salary to be spent on the children.

Is it unreasonable to ask him to 'wait' for two years, and when my children are at university make plans to be together again? He cannot move to my home town as he has a daughter who lives near to him.

I have tried so hard to please everyone, but of course no one is really happy with this situation and I know I need to make a decision soon.

Any help would be appreciated.

OP posts:
mix56 · 28/08/2015 12:41

You need to think of your DCs but also of yourself IMHO.
They know about this partner I imagine. They are about at an age, when actually all they want is their parents to let them get on with their lives, & once they go to uni, that's it, you can say they have definitely made it to the adult world. The pass by in the holidays, when it suits them
If the guy is the love of your life, & you are the love of his life, surely you can carry on as you are doing for another short time, life is long, you will have decades together.
Sorry, not sure this helps !

AcrossthePond55 · 28/08/2015 13:39

I don't think it's at all unreasonable. I've often thought that our children actually need us more as teens than they do as toddlers!

Since he has a daughter who lives near him he should understand. And if he raised an issue about you moving to be nearer your children, I'd certainly point that out to him. And ask him if he'd be willing to move under those circumstances.

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