Once a cheater always a cheater???

[willievertrust]

Stories please, if you have cheated on an ex does that mean you are likely to cheat on every other partner after that???

It's not always true. I have cheated on an ex in the past when I was younger but wouldn't ever consider cheating on dh.

I think sometimes people are young, stupid and with the wrong person but when they grow up and meet the right person they can change.

Thank you , i need to know people are capable of change and this is exactly what i wanted to hear from people who have cheated x

I think it's easy to change in the short-term in the new relationship, but when the going gets tough and the shiny new wears off, old habits die hard.

It may depend on why there was cheating. If it's an ego boost or validation, that sort of thing, then everytime there's a low for that person, there's a risk because seeking sex with a new partner is their go-to.

Thats my worry, my partner cheated on his ex a number of times not in an affair way but one night stands. he didnt cheat with or on me but my ex cheated on me so thats why i am cautious

I cheated on my ex.

I had three ONS.

I was very young. My ex wasn't a great boyfriend (I did stay with him for nearly ten years though, and he was abusive - physically, emotionally and financially).

I was only 19 when we got together. The ONS were at the start of the relationship. One was with someone I'd had the biggest crush on during high school... it was crap!!!

I would never cheat on my dh. Ever. Our relationship is built on mutual trust, respect and love. So, I don't necessarily think once a cheater, always a cheater... but I think it depends on the relationship. The one I had with my ex was all kinds of wrong, right from the start. I can see that now, because I've had five years of a happy relationship to understand what was wrong in the previous one.

However, I do think some men will always cheat. I know this sounds contradictory, but I think there's a lot of difference between a young person experimenting and experiencing a few ONS and getting involved with another person on an emotional level. Men who cheat are like this... they get involved emotionally as well as sexually and that to me is worse.

I'm not condoning my behaviour when I was young, but I think it's a different pattern to a serial cheater. IYSWIM?

Thank you ARV1981 i understand what you are saying, my boyfriend had ON Stands behind his ex's back not full blown affairs so i know the two are completely different. i know its not as clear cut as to say it definitely wont happen to me but to know there is hope helps. i believe what he is telling me so i need to just trust or i will ruin the relationship myself

I regularly cheated on an ex over many years. However, since I split up with him 10 years ago, I have never cheated on anyone else.

Thank you i am aware that just because you reformed your ways does not mean he will but i am glad to know it is possible, thats all i wanted to know and i appreciate your input.

It depends what worries you most. In full blown affairs, there's emotional context and actual relationship-building with continued ongoing lying and deception to regular partner.

In ons, I guess it's opportunistic and about sex? Possibly treating women as disposable, depending on his attitudes. With shortlived but cyclical lies and deception to regular partner.

Yes - although the new partners always want to think that they are somehow special, or different and the cheater will be faithful.

The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour.