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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What the hec

25 replies

namechangedforachange2 · 28/08/2015 08:43

Hi all.. Last night my partner and I went out to a wedding. All was fine drinks flowing but no concerns..
We got home and got into a bit of a heated debate.. I flicked some lukewarm tea at him(stupid I know)
But to my total horror he flew at me and punched the side of my face. This morning I know have the beginnings of a bruise to my face.! Thank god I don't have to go out today but what should I do ...

OP posts:
Berthatydfil · 28/08/2015 08:44

Police

pocketsaviour · 28/08/2015 08:49

I would phone 101 and report this.

What was his reaction after this happened last night? Did he apologise?

Has he been aggressive before?

goddessofsmallthings · 28/08/2015 08:51

How heated have your previous debates been? Has he exhibited violent tendencies before and have you ever felt threatened by, or scared of, him?

Whereabouts on your face did he punch you? On the fleshy part of a cheek or did he strike bone?

What happened after he punched you?

MerryMarigold · 28/08/2015 08:55

I saw a cctv footage yesterday of a man beating up his girlfriend in a pub carpark. He beat her past her being unconcious and kept going till his friend dragged him off. I think he would have killed her if the friend hadn't come along. It was so disturbing. Do not let it get to the this stage (it may). There needs to be boundaries now, and I suggest you involve the police and see what he thinks of that. If he thinks its entirely reasonable and a good way to keep his behaviour under control, he may be worth staying with. If he is angry and sees it as unreasonable, you need to think...

How long have you been together and do you have any children?

Original poster
namechangedforachange2 · 28/08/2015 08:56

I stayed in the spare room. He s never done that before though he is quite a volatile character well at least around me...

OP posts:
FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 28/08/2015 08:56

Police. Take pictures of your injuries too.

borisgudanov · 28/08/2015 09:33

And see once the police have carted him off, change the locks.

Zanymummy · 28/08/2015 09:45

Although you said he hasn't hit you before what about hefty/violent shoves during an argument ? The choice can only be made by you, do you wish to have him charged so he knows he can't keep going and hit you when upset or ignore it and hope it doesn't happen again also you have to decide if it is over due to being assaulted

Wando · 28/08/2015 10:23

How horrible - call the police now.

Threefishys · 28/08/2015 13:37

Why did you flick the tea in his face? I left my dh when he flicked soup at my face. It's abusive.

moopymoodle · 28/08/2015 15:38

Why did you flick tea? Was you taunting him nastily or playing? As for punching you well I'd goto the police

Hypotenuse · 28/08/2015 15:45

Leave.

Cabrinha · 28/08/2015 15:57

You shouldn't have flicked tea at him.
And damn sure he shouldn't have punched you.

You need to end this.

springydaffs · 28/08/2015 23:13

Oh ffs! You nutter posters are equating flicking tea with a man PUNCHING A WOMAN IN THE FACE?! Wtf is wrong with you!

Op this is the end . You must contact police on 101. Get injuries photographed. This is the END of your relationship.

springydaffs · 28/08/2015 23:15

Bcs next time it will be worse. And there will be a next time. Do you want to imagine what 'worse' could be? Sad

LuluJakey1 · 28/08/2015 23:27

Call the police and leave him. Never look back. Never even consider going back. Detach, detach detach and know you have been lucky to get away from him. You deserve better. He will attack you again when he is 'volatile'. You will spend your lfe trying to please him so he is not 'volatile' and will live in fear of not succeeding.

Threefishys · 29/08/2015 06:37

Who's equating it? Both behaviours are abusive. If someone flicked tea at me during a row I'd retaliate. Just so happens he took it to the next level. Not a healthy relationship at all.

Monkeybabies111 · 29/08/2015 06:46

I hope your ok the relationship isn't healthy and once violence is involved by either party it shouldn't continue as it can (not always) get worse and that's a risk you shouldn't take.

Please take care of yourself and make sure you are safe

springydaffs · 29/08/2015 09:10

Who's equating it? Both behaviours are abusive

Erm...

moopymoodle · 29/08/2015 09:15

I wasn't saying the op was just as bad, not at all. What she did was abusive though but her husband escalated it. She's not totally innocent in all this, although the physical violence from him can't be justified at all. Sounds like they need help or to separate

jessiepinkman · 29/08/2015 09:17

What did he do afterwards, what has he said this morning? Flowers

OurBlanche · 29/08/2015 13:07

moopy, I'd stop there if I were you. I know what you mean, but this is MN and you won't be able to explain without sounding as though you support men beating women.

OP. I hope you are OK this morning. Do you have anyone you could go to? You know this is the end of your relationship, don't you? No matter what provocation you offered your DP is not who you thought he was, he is uncontrolled and violent when drunk and/or angry.

Pack yourself up and leave. Start a new life without the threat of this hanging over you.

moopymoodle · 29/08/2015 14:06

I don't care if it's mumsnet! Nobody who is part of a relationship has the right to physically hurt the other. Doesn't matter if your male or female, both are just as bad.

We don't know the context of how the op flicked drink at him. I've jokingly had childish food fights etc with my husband, well flicking tiny bits of food etc. If however the op did it maliciously to taunt then she was out of order, that been said it still doesn't justify a punch in the face!

Only the OP knows how it all went down.

queenofthishouse · 29/08/2015 14:14

op this has to be the end. The guy punched you in the face. Your lucky he didn't brake your jaw or damage your eye.

Please report this as he may have form for hitting women and also in the future it may protect another woman from being beaten. Imagine if you or another woman has kids with this bloke? Sad

Please don't think that you deserved this or you instigated it any way. He drew his fist back - not you.

MerryMarigold · 29/08/2015 14:42

OP, please let us know you're OK. worrying now about you.

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