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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How would you like to be asked out?

29 replies

allofmycolours · 27/08/2015 07:11

I am male recently single age 42. I am interested in your opinions about this. I will be waiting a while before having a go but just thinking. I mean by someone you already know a little btw.

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 27/08/2015 07:40

I've never been asked out by someone who already knew me a little - oh dear, does that say something bad about me?! Grin

It would depend how well they knew me - what "a little" means.

From anyone, a "would you like to go out for a drink with me on Saturday?" would be just fine.

If they knew me well enough to know my interests a bit, is probably be happy if the suggestion of a meet up was tailored.

"I was wondering if you'd like to play squash with me on Saturday, and get a drink together after?" would work well. But if I fancied them, just the drink would do.

What WOULDN'T work is any old crap about being physically attractive added in. Ha! Just realised this is relevant to your other thread Smile But honestly - my experience is OD more than people I already know, but I am very Hmm about physical comments ("you have beautiful eyes"Confused) because it's not central to who I am.

General rule: keep in low key, elaborate, simple - no pressure. Not in public. It's OK I think to ask by text or email too, if you want to avoid the pressure of in person.

Cabrinha · 27/08/2015 07:41

not elaborate!

Ragwort · 27/08/2015 07:43

I think by text or email is a good idea as it doesn't put someone on the spot. And also, if possible, a 'day time' invitation (ie: coffee/lunch) is better for a 'first date' as it doesn't look as though you are assuming anything else ........... (unless you are of course Wink).

ThisIsFolkGirl · 27/08/2015 09:26

I was asked out by a man I knew a little bit last year.

He just took the opportunity to come and speak with me and chat. When it was clear we got on well, he asked if I'd like to go out for dinner.

Nothing came of it romantically, for a number of reasons, but we are now very good friends.

It was only after we'd actually been out that he told me he'd liked me for a while.

I'd have found it quite intimidating if he'd told me at the time.

ravenmum · 27/08/2015 10:48

Nothing too intense; "I was wondering if you fancied coming out for a drink with me" for example. Nothing that might suggest obsession Smile!

Wando · 27/08/2015 11:09

Keep it simple - a coffee or a drink. It makes it easier for the person to turn down and for no one to lose face.

jezestbelle · 27/08/2015 11:24

I was asked out once by a guy once who said he liked to go and sit in this particular café and listen to a house jazz band to destress after work and said "you are welcome to join me if you like". A light touch approach. Nothing came of it simply because he moved abroad not long after. He was great company though.

lorelei9 · 27/08/2015 11:28

I actually like for men to make it clear it's intended as a date. I'm a happy singleton and I don't want to end up on a date "by accident" because I thought it was a platonic male friend asking me to go for lunch.

I have had to put a couple of friendships on ice because of this - I thought we were friends, then they start paying bills and texting with tedious regularity. I feel it's impolite to say "hey, what's going on here?" so have had to back away.

Life is much easier if you know what you're being asked.

Wando · 27/08/2015 12:01

I think that a one on one social interaction between two single members of the opposite sex Is like a date in many respects.

DontKillMyVibe · 27/08/2015 12:22

What does this person like doing? If they like stand-up comedy for example a text along the lines of 'there's a stand up comedy show next tues which looks good. Do you fancy going?'

NannyOggsHedgehogs · 27/08/2015 12:31

"I really like you, may I *buy you dinner on Saturday?"

*this could be cinema, gig, event you think she'd enjoy

I'm married now but was single for a loooooooong time and agree with a pp that there's nothing worse than being stealth dated!

beardsrock · 27/08/2015 13:02

Very casual works for me:

'Fancy meeting for a coffee?'

Or if you know her better 'Oh, that xyz restaurant we were talking about, do you want to try it Friday night?'

Good luck Wink

mrstweefromtweesville · 27/08/2015 14:26

If the angry man inexplicably gets over his strop and decides to ask me out, I'd like him to sing me the flipping songs he wrote about his (needlessly) broken heart. Then he can say 'I'm sorry I was such an arse.' and we can take it from there.

Not going to happen.

Pfft.

OP, I suggest you keep it light and casual with the woman you already know a little. Angry man was fine when he was a the really dear friend having a cup of tea.

Original poster
allofmycolours · 27/08/2015 14:37

Thank you all. A lot of helpful advice. I certainly had not thought about the stealth dating issue. It is harder for me than I could ever put into words to approach someone even if I know them a bit. I guess I will find out as the (un?)lucky lady will be arriving on my doorstep in 24 minutes..Bit too early for a gin to steady the nerves..

OP posts:
beardsrock · 27/08/2015 14:42

Offer her a gin and she's yours. Especially if she's a mumsnetter!

Original poster
allofmycolours · 27/08/2015 15:10

Foiled!!! My mother arrived 10 minutes before she did..I forgot I had asked her to come and help me unpack..Didn't think it would be too cool to start making a move with my Mum in the next room..oh well will have to wait til I see her next..

OP posts:
lorelei9 · 27/08/2015 15:46

Wando "I think that a one on one social interaction between two single members of the opposite sex Is like a date in many respects."

why? Men and women can and are just friends much of the time.

Cabrinha · 27/08/2015 15:50

I'd hate "I really like you can I buy you dinner" Confused

I wouldn't want the pressure of "really like", if I didn't know someone that well I'd think it was OTT and I never let someone pay for me on a first date!

OP, if this person calls round to your flat, presumably you know them quite well? And have their number? Do you already have a 1:1 social relationship with them? Seems likely if they were calling round.

If you have never socialised again - I'd text and say "I can't stand unpacking another box, I need to get out! Fancy a drink?"

If you have, but haven't moved it to the next level, I might text something like "bloody typical, I finally get up the courage to ask if you'd like to go out on a date - and my mum gatecrashes!" and see how that develops.

SnakesandKnives · 27/08/2015 16:01

Try not to feel the sudden need to send her pictures of your cock. This appears to be very popular currently and bizarrely isn't all that well received...who'd a thought it?!

Original poster
allofmycolours · 27/08/2015 17:25

Cabrinha the person in question works in the property industry so it was a valuation of a house I just bought and moved into. I know the piq somewhat as she has regularly done valuations for me in the past. She lives not too far away from me and I sometimes run into her in the local pub. The last time I did she kindly bought me a drink as a thankyou for all the work I have put her way( as in business from other folk I know) I would have liked to have chatted to her more then but my male friend was having a full on meltdown so I thought it best we relocate. She is divorced and I believe single.

OP posts:
Original poster
allofmycolours · 27/08/2015 17:28

Snakes and Knives many thanks for pointing that out. I do not own any chickens or indeed the male version of them although some of my new neighbours seem to for free range eggs. Thanks to you I won't be falling fowl of that one..

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 27/08/2015 17:33

She came round to value a house you just bought? Was it not worth, um, what you just paid for it? Confused

I'd say in this case you want to avoid any awkwardness if she's not interested in a date, as you'll still want the work contact.

I'd go with the plan of texting and saying "I don't want to spend the whole week unpacking - do you fancy a drink together this week?"

It's social / friendly enough to save face all round if she's not interested.

If she says yes, it ISN'T a date, and you shouldn't act like it is. I agree with the point above about stealth dating. But it IS a chance to rule anything out (if she says no, or is non commital) and it's also a chance to get to know each other more.

If it goes well and you like her, I'd then follow up saying /texting that you had a lot of fun and would she like to do it again sometime, but as a date?

Cabrinha · 27/08/2015 17:35

That said - based in your other thread, you really didn't seen ready to date just yet. Not sure why on one thread you're saying you want to start counselling before you date again, and on this one you'd have asked a woman out today if your mum hadn't been in the way?
I think you'll have a better relationship if you have the counselling first.

Original poster
allofmycolours · 27/08/2015 18:07

Well I have been up and down tbh. One day I think its therapy or nothing, but I only just moved into this house and it has given me a big boost. Really lovely place nice people etc. So I am yes being inconsistent as that is how I feel right now. Silly near London property market means it has put on £25k since sale agreed in Feb btw..

OP posts:
Wando · 27/08/2015 18:44

If you feel ready, you are likely to be ready. You are the best person to judge. Good luck